"Low Sex Drive in Women" Don't miss the show!

REMINDER!  Countdown to my next BlogTalk Radio episode on 4/22/15 8:30 PM EDT.  Don't miss this 45 minute episode if you're over 40 and couldn't care less if you ever have sex again. Don't miss this episode if your husband is pressuring you to take some initiative sexually, and you feel resentful, tired, or blasé.

Find out the myths and the truths about a common issue nobody wants to talk about. Join me and my co-host, Dr. Terri Vanderlinde, an OB- GYN in private practice in Dover, NH.  Get out of the dark with some needed information and some TOOLS!

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join us live on the air to just listen or to share your questions or comments. If you can't make the live show catch the recording at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

"Low Sex Drive in Women - What You Need to Know if You're Over 40": Next BlogTalk Radio episode 4/22/15 8:30 PM EDT

Are you a woman over forty with a few noisy kids, a demanding job, a messy house, and an even more sexually demanding husband? Is sex the last thing you're interested in at the end of another commotion-filled day? Is your husband wondering why you no longer find him irresistible - or thinking maybe you have a lover? Is he cranky, frustrated and feeling rejected? Do you feel more dread and pressure at "bedtime"?

If any of this sounds familiar, realize you're not alone, and don't miss my next 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode about this very common problem! I'll be co-hosting with Dr. Terri Vanderlinde, a board certified OB-GYN in private practice in Dover, NH.  She deals with this issue often in her work with women and their partners, so she's a wealth of information about "low libido" in midlife, what it is and isn't, and what can be done to deal with it.

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join us live on the air with questions or comments. If you can't make the live show, catch the recording at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager anytime at your convenience. You (and your husband or partner) will be very glad you did!

Cheers,
Susan
PS. If you and a spouse or partner are wrestling with this issue and want some professional help, feel free to call me for an appointment at 603-431-7131

Retail Meditation

I've often teased my husband about how he goes into his "happy place" when he's fishing, especially from his kayak. He slips into a total trance, paddling softly, examining the shallow water for fish and lures other people have left behind. I could be drowning in the next kayak, or there could be a nuclear holocaust and he'd be completely immersed in a Zen meditative state. (I think he's in good company with half the planet in this way.)

Well, I've noticed something similar about myself and what I think may be true for millions of women: when I'm on a shopping mission searching for a specific item, I'm either in a store or online, totally immersed in the experience, focused and calm, in much the same way as when I play my guitar, maneuver my kayak, ski or garden. I used to think of the shopping as being too material, but I now realize that it's a form of meditation - retail meditation! Whenever I'm in a store I observe something similar seeming to happen for mostly other women - they sail around with their carts, looking for this or that, with contented smiles on their faces, calm and centered, in what looks like a perfect state of "flow." I don't know if they're on drugs or engaged in compulsive shopping, but they sure seem to be present in the moment!

So, if you engage in the same behavior, and you're not overspending or avoiding some other responsibility, try not to let your inner critic define the experience as shallow. You may instead be honoring a biologically wired "gathering" instinct and doing a moving meditation. If it centers and calms you, it may be just what you need at that time!

Susan Lager                                                                                                                                          

PS. If you need more help with silencing your judgmental inner critic, feel free to call me for an appointment: 603-431-7131

Silence Your Inner Critic with the Ultimate Nuclear Weapon

Many of us become our own worst enemies by putting ourselves down and focusing on our weaknesses or negative qualities. If you are prone to this, it's important to know that a bit of self critical thinking can become motivation for positive change and growth, but when you go overboard with it, feeling worthless, incapable of effective action, etc., it prevents you from taking healthy risks because it robs you of confidence in your own capabilities. It raises anxiety and stress, and can lead to depression.

Most of us already know about the importance of learning to accept our mistakes as part of learning, and being kinder and softer to ourselves in general. We've also heard a lot about looking for solutions to problems instead of berating ourselves about them. But here is the ultimate nuclear weapon to blast away self criticism: The Howitzer Mantras.

Because self critical talking and behavior is driven by habit and reflex, its important to find words or phrases that are designed to hit the critic like a cannon blast. When you hear your internal critic saying nasty, derogatory things about yourself use a mantra that helps you feel angry and outraged, like "Screw you!," "Stop this crap!" "Shut up!" "Get off my back!" Use the anger and indignation as a productive way to drown out the critic. Yell out loud if you can, but most importantly, mentally shout the mantras at the critic.

If using the mantras alone is insufficient, take a stronger measure by putting a rubber band around your wrist and snap it while subvocalizing your mantra. By doing this you're emphasizing your stop commands and making thought interruption more likely. The sharp, stinging sensation breaks the chain of negative thoughts and acts as a punisher so that the critic is less likely to attack in the near future.

Try this method as a routine way to silence your damning critic and you'll be amazed at the results!