Rescheduled BlogTalk Radio Episode: "Workplace Relationships: Dealing with the Dreaded Drama of Conflict"

Due to technical issues with BlogTalk Radio, unfortunately last week's episode never aired, and has been rescheduled to Wednesday, September 23rd at 8:30 PM.  My apologies for any inconvenience.

DO tune in to the rescheduled episode if you've experienced conflict at work and have felt dread and indecision about what to do. Or, if you have a manager who doesn't handle conflict productively, you end up getting the short end of the stick, and again, dread dealing with the issue, then this show is for you!

My co-host Pattie Porter, The Texas Conflict Coach, is an expert in the field of conflict management, and will share her insights about the issues, along with some critical tools you can use to manage these situations more confidently and effectively.

Call 877-497-9046 to join us live on the air with questions or comments. If you can't make the live show you can listen to the recording afterward at your convenience at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

Stop Avoiding Conflict at Work! Insights and Tools on BlogTalk Radio Wed. 8/26/15 8:30 PM EST

Tune into my next 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode "Conflict in the Workplace and How to Manage it" on Wednesday, August 26th at 8:30 PM EST. My guest will be Pattie Porter, The Texas Conflict Coach, internationally famous radio host, an expert in the field of conflict resolution, and highly sought trainer and coach to companies all over the U.S. 

If you're a conflict avoider this show is right up your alley! We'll talk about the "why's" and "how's" of avoidance, the costs of doing it, and ways to break the cycle. 

Call in with questions or comments at 877-497-9046, stop avoiding conflict and talk to an expert in this field!

 

 

 

Ashley Madison Hack: Divorce Is Not An Inevitable Outcome!

If you or your spouse has been exposed as using the Ashley Madison site to seek an affair, stop and take a deep breath! (Apparently thousands of people have already flocked to lawyers to pull the trigger on impulsively decided divorces).  Driven by the hurt and humiliation of public exposure and profound betrayal, as a discovering spouse you are understandably experiencing the first waves of trauma that this news usually brings. Vengeance and assuaging the broken trust through divorce may seem like the only solution to you at this point.

As the unfaithful spouse you are probably traumatized in different ways: what may have seemed like a discreet, compartmentalized adventure without victims now feels real in its damaging consequences. You are now either bathed in shame and fear, or furious that you can no longer "have your cake and eat it too." However justified you may feel for your infidelity you know that your world is about to become unravelled. You are about to take the hit for everything wrong with the marriage, and cannot imagine ever being forgiven. If you stay married you imagine a lifetime in the "doghouse."                                                                                                                      
Whichever end you're on, the impulse on both sides is often to give up and get a divorce, convinced that healing and reconciliation would be impossible.

As a couples therapist who, for many years has worked with thousands of couples reeling from infidelity, I have a few strong pieces of advice:

• Slow down!
• Take some deep breaths!
• Don't make any rash decisions now!
• Don't impulsively file for divorce!

Here are some things you may NOT be aware of:

• Many marriages can not only be saved, but strengthened after the trauma of infidelity. It requires a lot of determination, hard work, vision, and a good couples therapist the spouses both trust.
• Many couples who impulsively divorce deeply regret that decision later on.
• Children are often the biggest victims, especially in a contentious divorce.
• If you don't know what direction to take regarding your damaged marriage there is an alternative to couples therapy called Discernment Counseling. This is a brief treatment designed for couples where one spouse is leaning toward a divorce and the other wants to stay married. It is not geared toward tools and skills for repair, but instead focuses on helping partners make a decision about a direction for the marriage. Only trained Discernment Counselors can provide this service.
• There are terrific books and support groups for couples wrestling with infidelity.
• If you do decide to get a divorce you can have a healing, constructive process through Collaborative Law. Divorce doesn't have to be an impoverishing dog fight.
• There may be hope. There is help.

Anyone in the greater Boston area wanting more information, feel free to contact me at my office at The Couples Center in Portsmouth, NH: 603-431-7131.

"Six Practical Pointers For Being Decisive When it Counts"

The chocolate chip waffle cone or the coffee sundae? An action movie or a heavy Indie film tonight? Swimming at the beach later, or kayaking on a lake? (Here are some examples of the small stuff many of us sweat, as though world peace depended on it).

Stay in the cushy job with the nasty boss or find a position elsewhere involving less perks but more appreciation and respect? Go to a state school or a private college? Forgive your old friend their insensitive behavior or let them go and find others who feel more conscious? Stay in the tired old marriage, work on repairing it, or move on to greener pastures?

They're all examples of the kinds of things many of us agonize over, stuck in indecision. The first group, however, are the kinds of decisions nobody would get killed over - so what if you get the chocolate chip cone and forego the coffee sundae? Whether you go to the beach or the lake, if your desire is to be on, around, or in water, you're good to go, either way! But when indecision becomes a kind of "condition" those different kinds of choices all feel like a plague, creating a kind of frozen "limbo land."

If you see yourself in this picture, don't fret! I've just had another article published in PsychCentral.com about this very topic, with tips and tools for how to develop your "decision muscles." And yes, the good news is that its not necessarily a trait you came with at birth - its a skill you can develop with some practice and consciousness. To find the article, "6 Practical Pointers For Being Decisive When it Counts" go to: http://bit.ly/1E0gEqn  and stop obsessing!

(Or, if you can't make up your mind, you could go to my "Media / Press" page to find the link, along with the links to all the other articles I've written, or for which I've been a contributing writer).

8/5/15 BlogTalk Radio Episode 8:30 PM EST: "The Complications of Coupling: One Man's Views"

Don't miss this 45 minute episode! I'll be interviewing Dr. Charles Rawlings, outspoken author of "It Really Is That Complicated - The Myths That Exist About Male-Female Relationships." We'll explore some of his controversial stances about women, and how, in his opinion relationships center around control, manipulation and bartering.

Call 877-497-9046 to join in the conversation with questions or comments, or to just listen, tune in any time at www.BlogTalkRadio.com