"Cheap Forgiveness" Podcast 11/8/17 8:30 PM EST

In this 15 minute BlogTalk Radio episode I'll share my insights and experiences with the issue of cheap forgiveness - what it is, and how and when it may be adaptive as the best possible "solution" to emotional injury, vs. what the costs may be to the person bestowing it and to the relationship. I'll give a mini "life lesson" on the larger issue of forgiveness and what the options may be when an offender isn't repentant or available to a process of true repair around an emotional injury.

To join the episode live call 877-497-9046 to come on the air with your questions, comments or story.  If you can't make the live podcast you can listen to the recording afterward anytime at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager  However you tune in, don't miss this important episode!

Next BlogTalk Radio episode Wed. 8/24 8:00 PM EST: "3 Key Signs of Unfairness in Relationships and How to Fix Them"

Don't miss my next BlogTalk Radio episode on Thursday, August 24th at 8:00 PM EST. It will be 20 minutes of discussion about the signs of unfairness in relationships, and how to remedy the situation.
Tune in live at 877-497-9046 to join me on the air with your questions or comments.

Don't miss this 20 minute information-packed episode, especially if you've been accused of behaving unfairly, or if you're on the receiving end of unfair treatment and don't know how to handle it.

If you can't make the live episode you can hear the recording at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

 

"BTR Podcast Wed. 7/19/17 8:30 PM EST: "5 Communication Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them"

In this 20 to 30 minute episode I'll share my experiences as a psychotherapist witnessing common communication blunders clients often make. Whether you're trying to communicate with a spouse, partner, friend or family member there are predictable and avoidable pitfalls you need to know about! You'll learn about simple techniques to avoid these communication problems, be clearer about your message, and be heard and understood in a way which greatly improves relationships. Using my popular book "I'm Talking! Are You Listening?" as a guide, I will empower listeners to communicate with almost anyone more effectively about anything.

Call 877-497-9046 to join the live conversation with questions or comments. If you can't make the live episode tune into www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager to listen to the recording anytime afterward.

 

"Avoid the 3 Mistakes Many Women Make that Repel Love" BlogTalk Radio show Wed, 6/14/17 Noon

Tune into this 30-40 minute episode I'll be co-hosting with a unique relationship mentor, Valerie Greene, who helps couples to stop fighting and fall in love again, and who helps women inspire their husbands or partners into deeper love and intimacy, not relational dread. Providing a highly successful alternative to relationship therapy, Valerie helps women and couples move beyond problem-solving and communication skills to create a secure emotional CONNECTION.

Tune into this special episode to learn more from Valerie about how to transform relationship conflict into deeper intimacy, avoiding the relational moves that repel love.  Join us live with your questions or comments by calling into the studio at: 877-497-9046. If you can't make the live show simply go to: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager to hear the recording afterward.

The Effects of Misplace Financial Trust Before and During a Divorce

Whether you're in your 30's or 40's and have recently been married, or are in your 50's or 60's, and have been married for many years, you may have been in a traditional marriage where your spouse (most often the husband), has provided and controlled the income, and you have managed the household and children. If you haven't been part of decision making or knowledge about financial matters, but have entrusted them to your spouse, then you may be in a very vulnerable situation of naive financial trust as you face a divorce.

Tune into my next 40 minute BlogTalk Radio episode on Wednesday, May 17th at 8:30 PM EST about this topic, "Misplaced Financial Trust Before and During a Divorce", featuring my guest, Irina Andreasen, MBA, a financial planner with Flagship Harbor Advisors LLC in Hampton, NH. We'll be discussing what this problem is, how to spot it, and what you can do to avert some really bad financial decisions you may ultimately regret, not only in the marriage, but also in a potential divorce.

Join us live with your questions or comments at 877-497-9046 or catch the recording of the episode anytime afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

The 4 Things You Should Never Say to Someone You Care About

I have recently been hearing a horrible lament by someone I'm close to, and it makes me feel fiercely protective and furious all at once. Let's call my confider "Jane" for purposes of reference. "Jane" has been on the receiving end of hateful, ignorant, and negating exclamations by her son, "John," who cannot allow for her experiences regarding some toxic history between them. Instead of being curious about her version of events, and concerned or confused about how hurt and violated she feels, he insists on inserting his own "truth" story, and blames her entirely for all their difficult past. Unfortunately, as "Jane" is a "pleaser" who can't tolerate conflict, and fears her son's anger and defensiveness, she shuts down, becomes silent, feels devastated, and gets overwhelmed with hurt and self doubt when they have these exchanges. Sadly, I can  predict that they are highly unlikely to heal or ever have a better relationship with this dynamic present.

Here are the four things he has repeatedly said to her I would recommend you NEVER say to anyone you care about if you want a collaborative, respectful approach to dealing with painful events:

1. "Forget about it!"

2. "It's in the past! Stop dwelling on it!"

3. "Let it go!"

4. "Get over it!"

Those statements presume that healing in a relationship is simply a matter of turning the page by oneself, rather than a two person interaction where each person shares their grievances, listens to the other person's grievances, and together they look at how they each contributed to the problems, and how they can each contribute to reconciliation. The above responses indicate that the speaker has abdicated any personal responsibility for past events, and that he feels that the problems are all drama in his mother's mind, and not co-created. The situation becomes even more toxic as there is no pattern of obsessive thinking or melodrama as an M.O. by the mother, (his defensive presumption). Just some hurt, and a different experience of history needing attention and concern, not a complete non-empathic negation.

So, when you hear someone close to you having a different story about events, instead of negating their feelings and perceptions with any one of these four statements, let them know that you've experienced things differently, but are curious and concerned about their experience. Realize that you each have your own subjective version of "the truth," and that hopefully, by listening to each other you can discover how you've each contributed in your own way to the problems. Then you can explore how you each can become part of a healing solution.

*If you and a significant other are stuck in a defensive cycle like this feel free to contact me at 603-431-7131 to set up one or more sessions individually, or as a couple. 

The Amazing Power of Repetition

I recently picked up my guitar and tried to play it after not practicing for years. What a mess! Sore fingers, sour notes and nothing fluid like in the old days when I played regularly. Solution? Practice! Practice! Practice! i.e. repetition, until it feels natural again.

If you've lived longer than twelve years, chances are you have memories of having been either cajoled or forced to practice a sport, play an instrument, or work at math problems as a kid. You probably learned that practice may not have made "perfect," but it sure helped you develop some mastery.

If you've lived longer than twelve years, you've probably also noticed that you've developed habits, like drinking your coffee a certain way in a certain spot, or leaving your clothes all over your bedroom, even though it drives your spouse crazy. This too is a product of repetition.

If you've lived longer than twelve years and have been in a committed relationship, you may have noticed that over time with repetition the two of you have fostered areas of good will and areas of deep resentment - that cumulatively experiences weigh more than one one time events.

If you relate to any of this you might want to tune into my next BlogTalk Radio episode, "The Amazing Power of Repetition - The Good and the Bad" on Wednesday, April 19th at 8:30 PM EST.  It will be a short show dealing with this issue and how you can more consciously harness the power of repetition to productive ends. Call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046. If you can't make the live show you can listen to the recording afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

Either way, I hope you can join me!

Next BlogTalkRadio Podcast 3/15/17 2 PM EDT with International Motivational Coach: "Building a Problem-solving Mindset with 7 Critical Tools"

In this 45 minute episode join my guest, Carthage Buckley and me for an important lesson on the seven aspects of developing a problem-solving mindset, something vital in dealing with all of life's challenges.

Carthage Buckley is an experienced and enthusiastic learning and development professional with extensive coaching, mentoring and motivational skills, and a proven ability to empower others, enabling them to achieve their full potential. He has worked in Training & Development and Coaching in numerous countries including Ireland, Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom. No matter what the problem may be that you're trying to solve you'll need the right attitude and skillset, and tuning into this episode will help you get there!

Join us live on Wednesday, March 15th at 2:00 EDT USA by calling into the studio at 877-497-9046 with your questions or comments for this expert. If you can't make the live podcast you can listen to the recording anytime afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

Don't miss my next BlogTalk Radio podcast 2/15/17 8:30 PM EST about "Noticing"!

You don't want to miss my next episode about "noticing" and how it can enrich your life!

In this 45 minute episode I'll co-host with Cindy Giovagnoli, a photographer and writer who believes in curiosity, enthusiasm, meditation and mistakes, and who offers dynamic workshops and retreats focused on developing the art of noticing in our lives. 

Listeners will gain an understanding of what real 'noticing' is, how it can be practiced, and how that practice can be a transformative force for more centeredness, calm, presence, and joy.

Call into the show live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046 on Wednesday, February 15th at 8:30 PM EST.  If you can't make the live podcast tune in anytime afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

How Your Lens Effects Absolutely Everything!

This is a pretty winter scene, wouldn't you say? When you look at it do you see stillness, silence, the beauty of nature imposing itself on a cityscape, maybe a snow day off to relax and refuel? Or do you see a frigid, lonely, oppressive, colorless storm aftermath with probable power outages and traffic shutdowns? Well, it's all in your lens, or the way you take in the visual experience and the meanings you give it. If you're a Southerner, or a pessimist you probably zone in on all the discomforts and possible inconveniences associated with this scene. If you're a hardy New England nature lover, or just an optimist, you probably see the exquisite beauty in the scene. You might view it as an opportunity for a snowshoe hike or a hilarious snowball fight. It's all in not only what you pay attention to, but the meanings you assign to your selection.

The 2016 election was, (and continues to be!) a perfect example of this issue. You hear from three Trump advocates / surrogates about his behavior in a particular situation and they frame it as "take charge," "authentic," "strong," "warranted."  You then hear from three liberals about the same events and they frame his behavior as "authoritarian," "deceptive-lying," "bullyish," and "provocatively inappropriate."  The two sides, based on their lenses can't even agree about the occurrence of the same exact events.  (To this point, we now even have a new term called "alternative facts" coined by the incoming administration).

Whether you're a democrat, a Republican, an independent or apolitical, how you see political events and the world in general entirely depends on your lens.

As a psychotherapist part of my work is to a) encourage clients to notice what they pay attention to, and b) challenge the lens through which they take in events, or the meanings they give their experiences. I try to practice what I preach, knowing how radically it effects my moods, energy states and world view. I would encourage you to do the same!

Discernment Counseling Update on BlogTalk Radio 1/25/17 8:30 PM EST

Tune into my next 15 minute BlogTalk Radio episode on Wednesday, January 25th at 8:30 PM EST. I'll be giving you a 2 year update about Discernment Counseling - how and when it's most effective, who is and who is not a candidate for this form of brief treatment, and most importantly, how, even if there's a decision to divorce, it can transform your relationship with a current spouse.

Call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046 or listen to the podcast anytime at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

Winter Blues - Be Miserable or Make Peace with the Season!

This past weekend it was a balmy 24 degrees for the high on most of Saturday and Sunday here in the Northeast. Many of you might grimace at this information, especially if you live in Maine or New Hampshire and routinely experience a six month winter. You're even more likely to look at this photo of me on the Lincoln Woods trail, deep in the heart of the mountains, and think I'm crazy, right? What you may not realize is that, along with some good friends and my husband I was practicing the art of making peace with the cold, given the fact that we can't change it and would certainly get very depressed hanging around inside all winter. (What you can't see in this particular photo is the fact that all four of us had just driven two hours North to see the Ice Castles, basically, an ambitious bunch of ice towers near Loon Mountain - all freezing stuff)!

But, there's method to the madness: Get out in nature after you've sufficiently bundled up, experience it's beauty, yield to it, and you'll be taking a natural anti-depressant! So, whatever feels most comfortable to you - downhill skiing, cross country skiing, snow shoeing, ice skating, or just plain trail walking with your dog, if you have one - any of these activities will help you not only get through the very long New England winter, but will give you exercise, social contact, a happy dog and communion with nature. All very good things....