Royal Wedding Plans....... Fairy Tale Marriage?

Hello Reader,

     Well, the big countdown has begun. Every news station and newspaper is buzzing with excitement about Prince William and Kate Middleton's royal wedding later this week. TV programs like, "The Royal Wedding - The Women Who Would Be Queen", and behind the scenes "Cooking For The Royals", have dominated the networks.. There are surveys polling people about their interest, and likelihood of getting up at 4AM on Friday to watch the actual event. (?????!!!!!!!)
What I'm most interested in is what the MARRIAGE will ultimately look like! Are they prepared for constant boundary violations by the paparazzi and the press? Have they had enough practice managing their differences respectfully, like a royal mixing with a "commoner"? Are they prepared to define for themselves, in the face of all the boring, but expected royal duties, how their time together and apart will be spent? And how about being equipped, when it's important enough, to challenge Her Highness The Queen, who is already miffed about William's wedding plans? (Let them eat cake?)
Not to mention the ghost of Diana and Charles' grimly failed marriage, with Camilla always in the wings, and Diana's tragic, untimely death, born of loneliness and rejection.
Then there's William's role as child confidante to his mother -- loving, but not the best model for future parenting. And Kate's happy, upwardly mobile family, so foreign to William. And most recently, the prospect of irate royal guards, like the narcissistically injured jabberjaws who went public on Facebook, and complained himself out of a job.
Oh, the list goes on and on. The therapist in me feels really wary, but the romantic fool in me hopes that Love will conquer all................

Good night for now - I need to sleep on all this,
Susan Lager
PS.  For a pile of free original articles of mine about relationship issues, sign up at the "Free Reports" button at the bottom right side of this page.

Fighting With A Pitbull

Hello Reader,

Have you ever found yourself having a conflict with someone, then a few minutes into it, realizing that you're getting nowhere fast? It's especially true when the someone you're engaging with is what we shrinks call "passive-aggressive"-- a slippery person whose hostility is largely unacceptable to them, so it's unconscious, and they go under the radar with their anger. Their "jabs" are often subtle but deadly. Their aggression often gets played out in what they don't do, or forget to do, but it still stings, and clings.
I think of it as "fighting with a Pitbull", and encourage you to avoid it if you can. There's no winning or happy resolution. You're dealing with someone who, like the Pitbull, is amazingly tenacious, locks on, and won't let go. So avoid them whenever possible, or at least, don't engage - you'll just end up bloody. Who are the Pitbulls in your life?........


Goodnight,
Susan Lager
PS.  Tune in to my latest BlogTalk Radio episode, "Create The Life You Love", with Barbara Hofmeister, an international motivational speaker, and author of the bestselling book, "To Be Or Not To Be--The Choice is Yours". (If you look carefully, the BlogTalk Radio player is on the bottom right side of this page).

Life, Death, and Taxes Revisited

Hello Reader,

I just finished putting all my tax vouchers into their respective envelopes along with the hefty checks made out to the United States Treasury, and Treasurer, State of Maine. (ugh!) Along with millions of others, I've parted with hard-earned dollars, and handed them over to Uncle Sam. It's always with a mixed sense of relief, dread, pride, annoyance, and accomplishment that I get to this point every year - - the massive effort required to have all the needed cash available to pay out all at once, the cynicism about where my tax dollars are going, the ecstasy of being done (for now) with all the horrible tabulations for my accountant, my irritation with myself about not being more organized and streamlined in my bookkeeping, and my resolve to make it all easier next year. And then it's "deja vue" all over again next April 15th.
(I think this is the official definition of insanity - to keep doing what you're doing, hoping for a different result!)  Do you get where I'm going with this?
Think about your own life, and where you may be doing your own version of insanity. How and where are you doing the same old thing, hoping for new results? In your job? With your kids? In your marriage? With your addictions?
Then, before you do anything radical in the change department, think about what you get from your bond with the "same-old-same-o"? What (neurotic) purpose does it serve? And what would you need to give up to take different action? Is it worth it?
So, like me with the same old tax script, you too may be able to "break up" with your nasty old habit!
I'll check in with you next April 15th............

Cheers,
Susan Lager

Communication In Relationships

Hello Reader,

     We have a simple but wise saying in the psychotherapy world: "If it's mentionable, it's manageable!"
It's so true, especially in intimate partnerships. So often I see couples "sitting on" giant resentments, presumptions, hurts, misconceptions, and bewilderment that could probably be worked out if there's a value  to each in the relationship. Haven't most of us stayed silent at times, fearing the consequences, only to find out that the "bogeyman" was in our own head?
I have three wishes for my Relationship Genie:
1.  That partners would generally give each other more credit for having the potential for a reasonable response to each other's concerns, and make presumptions of "good will".
2.  That people would more often value their own experience, not discount it, and be willing to stand up for themselves by speaking up.
3.  That we'd all legitimize the fact of "alternate realities" around situations, be more curious about each other's experience, (getting away from "right" or "wrong"), and practice the fine art of listening better.
(That's sort of three and a half, but the Genie will probably humor me.)

Good night and good luck!
Susan Lager
PS.  For more of my thoughts and tools for communication, sign up for a series of Free Reports at the button on the right.

Healthy Marriages

Hello Reader,

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about healthy vs. unhealthy marriages
a) because I encounter both types in my work daily as a psychotherapist and coach
b) I'm scheduled for another BlogTalk Radio show tonight at 9PM called:
   "Tuneup and Oil Change -- Keeping Marriages Healthy".
My guest will be Sergio Pirrotta, EdD., a psychologist from Byfield, Massachusetts who also specializes in couples work, and is a bit of a rock star in the Northeast. He's trained countless clinicians, is smart as a whip, and will have a lot to say about the issue of healthy marriages.
Tune in toll-free: 877-497-9046 and you'll be live on the call, and will be able to comment or ask questions.
Stay tuned!

Susan Lager
PS. For lots more information about relationship issues, sign up as a subscriber for a series of free reports  I think you'll find very informative and interesting! (Button at the bottom right of this blog).