Hi Reader,
Swimming again, thankfully no sharks! (We all need to appreciate the small things in life)....
With Gratitude,
Susan Lager
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Back To (Relationship) School Part 2
Good Morning Reader,
I've been thinking about this issue of readiness for the coming year since I brought it up. Hopefully by now you've begun to reflect firstly on a particular relationship which feels a bit limp, and needs some TLC.
When you think about the strengths, be straight with yourself about whether or not you've done anything to "feed" them. If not, take a meaningful step by doing one thing to make the other person feel valued or loved. It may be a small gift, or an email or call, or an invitation to do something together soon, or just a conversation about why you care, and what you enjoy about that person. (Unless you're disgustingly mushy, your friend or partner will probably love hearing something from your heart). Don't assume they already know it. Even if they do, most people love "words of affirmation".
Now think about the one or two problems you've already identified in this relationship, and your part in them. Be prepared to go into corrective action with one change in the coming weeks. We'll talk about that one later......
Cheers,
Susan Lager
P.S. Keep an eye out for my new website www.HowToBeABetterCouple.com (which should have been up and running in July, but I've been playing too hard this summer).
I've been thinking about this issue of readiness for the coming year since I brought it up. Hopefully by now you've begun to reflect firstly on a particular relationship which feels a bit limp, and needs some TLC.
When you think about the strengths, be straight with yourself about whether or not you've done anything to "feed" them. If not, take a meaningful step by doing one thing to make the other person feel valued or loved. It may be a small gift, or an email or call, or an invitation to do something together soon, or just a conversation about why you care, and what you enjoy about that person. (Unless you're disgustingly mushy, your friend or partner will probably love hearing something from your heart). Don't assume they already know it. Even if they do, most people love "words of affirmation".
Now think about the one or two problems you've already identified in this relationship, and your part in them. Be prepared to go into corrective action with one change in the coming weeks. We'll talk about that one later......
Cheers,
Susan Lager
P.S. Keep an eye out for my new website www.HowToBeABetterCouple.com (which should have been up and running in July, but I've been playing too hard this summer).
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Back To School (Of Relationships)
Hello Reader,
The summer is almost over, and once again I start getting an onslaught of calls in my practice for people who want "back to school supplies" of a sort. I don't mean the pencil and notebook kind, but instead the tools and resources folks need to get back to the work of tending to their relationships as the warm weather winds down, especially here in the Northeast. We all have mixed memories about this time of year-- mourning the loss of the carefree days of summer, and the excitement about the new school year, new teachers, new friends, new experiences, NEW SHOES!!!! This same "clock" applies to our relationships, with the renewed energy in the Fall for beginnings. I'll be writing about this issue with ideas about specific things you can do to refresh your most important relationships. First do three things:
1. Think about which one of your relationships feels a bit tired or neglected at this point.
2. Think about a few strengths in that relationship you need to dust off and expand upon.
3. Think about one or two problems in the relationship, the circumstances which fuel them, and what it might take to begin a remedy.
Voila!! You've just started your "back to school shopping"! Now go back to the beach, enjoy the rest of the summer, and know you'll be better prepared for the coming year in the Fall with a few more supplies....
Cheers,
Susan Lager
The summer is almost over, and once again I start getting an onslaught of calls in my practice for people who want "back to school supplies" of a sort. I don't mean the pencil and notebook kind, but instead the tools and resources folks need to get back to the work of tending to their relationships as the warm weather winds down, especially here in the Northeast. We all have mixed memories about this time of year-- mourning the loss of the carefree days of summer, and the excitement about the new school year, new teachers, new friends, new experiences, NEW SHOES!!!! This same "clock" applies to our relationships, with the renewed energy in the Fall for beginnings. I'll be writing about this issue with ideas about specific things you can do to refresh your most important relationships. First do three things:
1. Think about which one of your relationships feels a bit tired or neglected at this point.
2. Think about a few strengths in that relationship you need to dust off and expand upon.
3. Think about one or two problems in the relationship, the circumstances which fuel them, and what it might take to begin a remedy.
Voila!! You've just started your "back to school shopping"! Now go back to the beach, enjoy the rest of the summer, and know you'll be better prepared for the coming year in the Fall with a few more supplies....
Cheers,
Susan Lager
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Swimming With Sharks
Well Hello Again, Reader!
I realize I've been incognito for awhile this summer. Guess why? I work in New Hampshire, and live in Maine, on both coasts where we have alot of ocean, beaches, and now, of all things, SHARKS!!!! People who live in this area generally feel frantic to enjoy the measly amount of warm weather for maybe two months, so must of us play alot of hooky and head for the water. But this year, we have company in the form of 12 foot Blue Sharks, and Great Whites swimming along with us! And I cannot bring myself to stay on the sand now that my close friend Kathy has turned me into what a Great White would consider a "seal lookalike" by getting me hooked on wet-suit swimming. While all the other (smart) folks squeamishly dip their ankles in the frigid water and run back onto the sand, there we are bobbing about in our suits for hours, cool and happy as clams, self righteous, oblivious sharkbait, surfers without the boards.....
Ain't life grand?
Swimmingly,
Susan Lager
P.S. When (and If) I get out of the water, I'll get back to you with lots more about couples on my soon to be born,
( but now pesky) website HowToBeABetterCouple.com
I realize I've been incognito for awhile this summer. Guess why? I work in New Hampshire, and live in Maine, on both coasts where we have alot of ocean, beaches, and now, of all things, SHARKS!!!! People who live in this area generally feel frantic to enjoy the measly amount of warm weather for maybe two months, so must of us play alot of hooky and head for the water. But this year, we have company in the form of 12 foot Blue Sharks, and Great Whites swimming along with us! And I cannot bring myself to stay on the sand now that my close friend Kathy has turned me into what a Great White would consider a "seal lookalike" by getting me hooked on wet-suit swimming. While all the other (smart) folks squeamishly dip their ankles in the frigid water and run back onto the sand, there we are bobbing about in our suits for hours, cool and happy as clams, self righteous, oblivious sharkbait, surfers without the boards.....
Ain't life grand?
Swimmingly,
Susan Lager
P.S. When (and If) I get out of the water, I'll get back to you with lots more about couples on my soon to be born,
( but now pesky) website HowToBeABetterCouple.com
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
At Home Vacations
Hi Reader,
It's mid summer, hotter than Hell, and the perfect time for enjoying your hometown if you can't get away. Here are ten tips for the perfect at-home vacation I'll share with you:
1. Treat your home as a hotel for the "vacation" time.
2. Avoid all the usual dull, dreary, daily chores. Commit to not doing any dishes, laundry, or bills for now. If you don't love cooking, get take-out or eat in restaurants.
3. Get unplugged. Stay away from email and phone messages. If you don't want everyone to think you've been abducted by aliens, leave a friendly message on your machine saying you're "vacating".
4. Do some research with your Significant Other about events and resources in your area.
5. Divide the time up, and take turns treating eachother to special days playing "tourists", each taking initiative on your day for all the plans and logistics.
6. Commit to going to some new places you haven't been before, or new activities to you both.
7. If your self-care routines usually feel like drudgery, relax. Have an extra glass of wine or miss a workout. It won't kill you.
8. Connect with some friends in a new way. Remember, now you have the time.
9. Sleep late if you want. Relax all your rules.
10. Talk about things close to your heart. Avoid hot-button issues.
Before you know it, you'll be on "island time" having a wonderful vacation without the worry about your plane getting hijacked, your passport getting stolen, or your wallet getting depleted. Enjoy!
Happy trails,
Susan Lager
It's mid summer, hotter than Hell, and the perfect time for enjoying your hometown if you can't get away. Here are ten tips for the perfect at-home vacation I'll share with you:
1. Treat your home as a hotel for the "vacation" time.
2. Avoid all the usual dull, dreary, daily chores. Commit to not doing any dishes, laundry, or bills for now. If you don't love cooking, get take-out or eat in restaurants.
3. Get unplugged. Stay away from email and phone messages. If you don't want everyone to think you've been abducted by aliens, leave a friendly message on your machine saying you're "vacating".
4. Do some research with your Significant Other about events and resources in your area.
5. Divide the time up, and take turns treating eachother to special days playing "tourists", each taking initiative on your day for all the plans and logistics.
6. Commit to going to some new places you haven't been before, or new activities to you both.
7. If your self-care routines usually feel like drudgery, relax. Have an extra glass of wine or miss a workout. It won't kill you.
8. Connect with some friends in a new way. Remember, now you have the time.
9. Sleep late if you want. Relax all your rules.
10. Talk about things close to your heart. Avoid hot-button issues.
Before you know it, you'll be on "island time" having a wonderful vacation without the worry about your plane getting hijacked, your passport getting stolen, or your wallet getting depleted. Enjoy!
Happy trails,
Susan Lager
Monday, July 12, 2010
Telephone Problems In An Impersonal World
Hi Reader,
Have you ever started a perfectly fine day with a "benign" call about a billing error or something needing immediate attention, only to discover you're lost in the impersonal world of automatic answerers, and malfunctioning redirects? This was how my beautiful Monday started after a lovely weekend.
I spent half an hour trying to get to the right person at my bank regarding an online billing error, and was directed to no less than eight people, all of whom were very chirpy and courteous, but unhelpful. I then was caught up in the automated system of another online account, and never did get to a human. I decided to give it a rest, and waited to get to my office to complete my calls, figuring my frustration tolerance would improve with the beautiful view. No such luck. It wasn't until my final call to an internet service, that I reached a person on the first try! He was informative, patient, and human. What a relief! When this happens, I remind myself to be in that category, return calls on time, make a connect, and not be another piece of automation in an impersonal world. I then make a point of smiling at toll-takers, thanking people for holding doors open, and avoid anything at all like road rage. Especially if you're lonely, this is like a tonic, and you're part of the solution in what can feel like a cold, impersonal place.
Cheers,
Susan Lager
Have you ever started a perfectly fine day with a "benign" call about a billing error or something needing immediate attention, only to discover you're lost in the impersonal world of automatic answerers, and malfunctioning redirects? This was how my beautiful Monday started after a lovely weekend.
I spent half an hour trying to get to the right person at my bank regarding an online billing error, and was directed to no less than eight people, all of whom were very chirpy and courteous, but unhelpful. I then was caught up in the automated system of another online account, and never did get to a human. I decided to give it a rest, and waited to get to my office to complete my calls, figuring my frustration tolerance would improve with the beautiful view. No such luck. It wasn't until my final call to an internet service, that I reached a person on the first try! He was informative, patient, and human. What a relief! When this happens, I remind myself to be in that category, return calls on time, make a connect, and not be another piece of automation in an impersonal world. I then make a point of smiling at toll-takers, thanking people for holding doors open, and avoid anything at all like road rage. Especially if you're lonely, this is like a tonic, and you're part of the solution in what can feel like a cold, impersonal place.
Cheers,
Susan Lager
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Setting Boundaries With Family
Hello Reader,
I hope you had a restful and fun July 4th weekend, and if you spent time with your family, you enjoyed them! This isn't usually about having perfect relationships, it's more often about setting boundaries which insure that your personal space or couple's space is honored. This can be as simple as making it clear what arrival and departure times work best, or what to bring to an occasion. It could be as sensitive as giving cues about what subjects are off limits, or what would feel indiscreet. If you are refraining from drinking, setting good boundaries would involve first being clear with yourself about why, and what your action plan is, then if offered drinks, graciously making a "no, thank you" clear to your family. Setting boundaries in relationships protects you and your loved ones from undue hurt, humiliation and anger. And if family members don't honor your boundaries, you might consider whether your requirements are too rigid or harsh, or if you may need to consider another "venue" for contact which may more readily provide more protective structure. And don't fret-- it takes practice to learn how to do it with finesse, so chances are, if this July 4th was a wipeout, next one will more likely be better.
Cheers,
Susan Lager
P.S. Check out my published articles about relationship issues at:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susan_Lager
Also, look for my soon-to-be-launched website full of couple's resources at:
http://www.howtobeabettercouple.com
I hope you had a restful and fun July 4th weekend, and if you spent time with your family, you enjoyed them! This isn't usually about having perfect relationships, it's more often about setting boundaries which insure that your personal space or couple's space is honored. This can be as simple as making it clear what arrival and departure times work best, or what to bring to an occasion. It could be as sensitive as giving cues about what subjects are off limits, or what would feel indiscreet. If you are refraining from drinking, setting good boundaries would involve first being clear with yourself about why, and what your action plan is, then if offered drinks, graciously making a "no, thank you" clear to your family. Setting boundaries in relationships protects you and your loved ones from undue hurt, humiliation and anger. And if family members don't honor your boundaries, you might consider whether your requirements are too rigid or harsh, or if you may need to consider another "venue" for contact which may more readily provide more protective structure. And don't fret-- it takes practice to learn how to do it with finesse, so chances are, if this July 4th was a wipeout, next one will more likely be better.
Cheers,
Susan Lager
P.S. Check out my published articles about relationship issues at:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susan_Lager
Also, look for my soon-to-be-launched website full of couple's resources at:
http://www.howtobeabettercouple.com
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