Sex And Marriage - Are They Compatible Long-Term?

If you're married and have questions about sex problems with your spouse, want more sex, better sex, or none, tune in to my BlogTalk Radio show, The Couplespeak Relationship Forum, tomorrow, June 15th 9PM EST toll-free 877-497-9046, or live streaming at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager. My guest is Judith Rowan, PhD.,  a NH certified sex therapist. Ask the expert!

Goodnight,

Susan Lager

Prepare For Summer!

There's a unique New England condition I call "New England Seasonal Affective Disorder". It happens every late Spring as people begin to feel the exhilaration of the warmer weather, and the landscape coming alive again after about eight months of grey dormancy, and frigid temperatures. I routinely hear folks complaining about every weekend which isn't stellar, and ramping up with anxiety about balancing the enormous "to do" list regarding home projects, with fun activities. My brother-in-law Joe says, "Move to Florida and enjoy talking and thinking about things other than the weather! Liberate yourself!" I think, maybe he's right -- what would it be like to presume glorious days every day, and not try to pack it all into one or two a week (usually during the work week)? How would it feel to be released from all that pressure and uncertainty? Then I think, it would be nice, but how about being surrounded by all that commercialization and concrete? To have alligators in your lakes? To have lots and lots of sharks everywhere in the ocean? To have backyards the size of a postage stamp? To have cockroaches and snakes camping out in your house and garden? To have gargantuan hurricanes for six months a year?  To have to be in great bathing suit shape all year long!?

No, I think I'll stick with the bipolar New England weather, and just prepare for summer every year with angst, excitement and dread, and enjoy all the joys of living on the edge.

Gotta go have some fun before the rain arrives,

Susan Lager

PS. Tune in to my BlogTalk Radio show on Wednesday, June 15th at 9PM EST (toll-free: 877-497-9046). My guest is Judith Rowan, a well-known sex therapist who will be discussing sexual issues in marriage with me. It should be very interesting!

Newsflash!!!!!

Hello Reader,

Exciting news! I'm appearing on The Seacoast Promo Radio Show tomorrow between noon and 1:00 EST to talk about couples surviving and thriving in these challenging times. It was a stretch to accept the engagement, as it's my birthday, and I usually laze out and don't do anything which may feel challenging on my big day. But I figured, what the heck, nobody ever got killed pushing themselves a bit on their birthday, so I added it to my "bucket list" along with zip-lining under a jungle canopy, writing my first book, getting acupuncture, and running, not speed-walking for cardio. Here's the details if you're interested:

Seacoast Promo Radio

Sponsored by the Cameron Home Team

Innovative solutions for today’s real estate market

http://Cameronhometeam.com

"Listen-in this Saturday June 4th between 12:00 and 1:00 on 1540 WXEX AM Exeter New Hampshire. Go to the websites below and listen on-line if you live outside of the area.
http://www.seacoastpr.com
http://1540wxex.com/

Our next show will explore how couples and people in general are dealing with this challenging economy. Our two guests, Portsmouth based psychotherapist and couples coach Susan Lager and Exeter Pub owner Rob Ficara who is always coming up with new inexpensive activities and events for people to have fun."

Goodnight and Good Luck (to me),

Susan Lager

"Out of Work, Not Out of Options"

Hello Reader,

Tune in to my next BlogTalk Radio Show tonight, Wed., 6/1 at 9PM EST for a vital show about unemployment and how to manage it as well as possible, keeping possibilities open, and not going crazy in the process. My guest is David Gray, a former HR exec for Lindt Chocolate and Lonza Biologics, a recruiter, and most recently a career consultant. He has lots of wisdom, tools and insights about how to handle this new reality. Call toll-free: 877-497-9046. It should be fun and informative!

Susan Lager
PS. Put your car in the garage in case it hails, and call from the basement in case there's a tornado, so you're safe while you join us......

Rebuilding After The Tornado

Hello Reader,

We've all been glued to our TV's watching the devastation to lives and landscape after the tornado in Missouri. It's been equally as amazing to see the resolve and resilience of the victims in their determination to rebuild their lives and their community! They do some things which I think are critical to psychological and physical reconstruction, and which we could all take as important examples for "moving on" after any trauma:

1. They grieve their losses together.
2. They value what's most important from the wreckage.
3. They celebrate what's indestructible - the bonds with loved ones.
4. They help each other to take the beginning steps of rebuilding.
5. They share their stories.
6. They ask for help.

Hats off to the people of Missouri for their model of courage, determination, and humanity in this crisis!

Goodnight,

Susan Lager

In The Path Of The Tornado

Hello Reader,

What a sad time this is for thousands of people who went about their business on an ordinary Sunday, and found themselves homeless, surrounded by death, and utter destruction later that evening! Even though few of us can begin to imagine the horror they endured, most of us can connect with the idea that life is fragile, and that nothing is a "given".

The tragedy made me think about not only the heroism and resilience of the human spirit we all witness in these events, but also the sacred bonds we have with each other. As a therapist and coach, I work with people every day to help them actively cherish these bonds. I also ask myself if I too, have cherished my precious relationships, or taken them for granted lately?

I encourage anyone who loves someone, or many "someone's", to imagine that a tornado like the one in Missouri could be headed in your direction. Whom would you protect? What last minute bargain would you be making with the Universe or your own conception of God, regarding what you promise you'd do differently, given another chance? Would you love better? Would you be kinder? Would you tune in more? Would you stop to smell the roses? Then proceed to live your life more mindfully and open-heartedly "in the path of the tornado".

Goodnight,

Susan Lager

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Affair

Hello Reader,

With the news of yet another celebrity infidelity, (this time compounded by the secrecy around having a "love child" with the mistress), one could wonder if there's such a thing as fidelity, or if any permanence in marriage is achievable!
The answer is: Yes. Yes. My years of experience as a couples therapist have informed me that, contrary to popular belief:

1. Couples often seek reconciliation rather than divorce, after the revelation of infidelity.
2. Deep betrayals, like Schwarzenegger's can be forgiven and worked through to healing.
3. Spouses who have had an affair, even one lasting years, or one with a trusted family contact, can do the internal and interpersonal work of growth and healing, to avoid future infidelity, but they must take responsibility for their behavior for any significant "working through" to happen.
4. It all takes TIME, PATIENCE, COURAGE, and most importantly, MOTIVATION to learn and grow, and an appreciation of the value of staying married.
5. It "takes a village": a spouse willing to forgive and explore their possible complicity in setting the stage for the affair, non-judgmental friends and family, children who are open, and professional help to sort through the issues and facilitate the healing.

So if you are in a similar mess to Arnold and Maria's, don't run to a lawyer's office yet. There may be hope for healing and even deeper intimacy through the learning and forgiveness process!

Cheers,

Susan Lager

PS. Tune into my BlogTalk Radio show tonight at 9PM EST at toll-free: 877-497-9046.

It's about "Sane Divorce", featuring Honey Hastings, the intrepid lawyer who co-founded The Collaborative Law Alliance of NH, and the author of "The NH Divorce Handbook". It should be very enlightening!