Summertime Blues

If you live in  New England, (or anywhere else with a seven month winter), you have a love-hate relationship with the place and the weather. Here on the coast of Maine and New Hampshire we adore the ocean, the nearby lakes and mountains, Boston and Portland just a stone's throw away, and the intoxicating beauty of the place.  The downside is that right about now in the middle of the summer, people start getting nervous about the looming arctic freeze,  all the fun experiences they need to pack in before the snow flies, and depressed about what they haven't done yet during the teeny- weeny summer season.  (I've labelled it "New England Seasonal Affective Disorder"). It's more commonly referred to as the Summertime Blues.

What's the "cure"? Try to live in the moment, savoring each and every experience. Be present! Do one thing at once, so you're fully participating in the activity. Also, make a list of all the things you wanted to do and haven't yet done. Come up with an action plan to bring those experiences to life, asking your "significant others" for help, so you don't get overwhelmed with "plan overload", leaving yourself open to those dreaded Summertime Blues.  Also, recognize that it's quality, not quantity that counts. If you do one meaningful, fun thing each weekend with your own good company, or someone you care about, and incorporate a few new playful activities into your work week, you'll have more of a sense of living well. And just think, when the flowers and the greenery are all gone in a few months, winter will have its beauty as well, (other than shoveling, black ice, hailstorms, five layers of clothing, dry skin, and power outages.)

Happy rest of summer,

Susan Lager

"Communication Problems Gone with 5 Simple Fixes"

Tune in to my BlogTalk Radio show tonight at 9PM EST toll-free 877-497-9046 for an open microphone show about remedies for the most common communication problems. Join the conversation and share your dilemmas and thoughts. It should be fun!

Susan Lager

Casey Anthony Verdict

One can't escape the incredible news about Casey Anthony clearly looking like she's gotten away with murder. People everywhere are outraged,  disenchanted with the American legal system, and also sadly feeling cynicism and resignation about the lack of fairness and justice in the world. Murderers get set free, while Willie Nelson gets probable jail time for possession of 3 ounces of marijuana. The world is upside down! Spouses who lie and cheat fare no worse in court than spouses who have been loyal and true. Life-long, diligent employees get muscled out of companies to make room for cheaper "twenty somethings" with questionable skills. Parents abuse their kids verbally and often physically without consequences. Drunk drivers slaughter innocent victims en route to work or a family picnic. What does one do to avoid pessimism and utter despair??

It's really a matter of where you put your attention. Focus instead, each day on all the goodness, generosity, kindness, and love in your everyday life. Connect with the toll-taker, the clerk, the server, the mechanic, the teller, the boss, the neighbor, the friend, the co-worker. Be intentional about finding innocence, decency, good will, courage, humor, creativity, humility, compassion, and joy in all the people you encounter. You will find an abundance of all those things if you just look for them. Then, even with all its injustice and cruelty, the world will feel like a safer, happier home to you.

Goodnight,

Susan Lager

PS.  Tune in to my next BlogTalk Radio show, "Communication Problems Gone With Simple Five-Minute Fixes" on Wednesday, July 13th at 9PM. Call in live to participate in the discussion at toll-free 877-497-9046.

Gone Fishing

I'm a very regimented person. I get up at the same time each day, do the morning teeth and face cleanse, make a cup of coffee, balance my accounts, pay some bills, answer my voicemail, check my email, do some dishes, dead-head the garden flowers, make my lunch, do a workout, watch the news, eat the same breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, drive to my office, see some clients, return more voicemails, grab the same lunch, see more clients, answer more voicemails, schmooze with colleagues, drive home, make some calls, change clothes, go for a garden walk, have some dinner with my husband / son, watch more news, do some writing, do some reading, and go to bed. Then it all starts and ends the same way the next day until the weekend when it's a different, slightly more exotic routine.

I'm also very governed by "shoulds" like, "I should keep appointments", "I should work out six days a week", "I should be more patient", "I should always be learning", "I should write in my blog", "I should write another article", "I should finish my book", "I should finish my membership site", "I should finalize my trademark", I should prepare for my radio show", "I should get my finances ready for the accountant and Quickbooks", "I should go to more plays and concerts", "I should answer my Facebook messages", "I should volunteer", "I should go back to Italy", "I should lose twenty pounds", "I should be a better friend, sister, mother, and wife", "I should exfoliate more often", "I should talk more slowly", "I should stretch daily", "I should clean the refrigerator".  (On and on, and on, and on.....) It's a wonder I'm not depressed!  It's also a wonder that for the first time in six months, and after thirteen radio shows I've produced and hosted, that I decided to forego the June 29th "Communication Problems" episode, reschedule it to July 13th, and put up a sign saying, "Gone Fishing"!!!!!!!! So if any of this "good girl" routine sounds familiar to you, remember that sometimes, for some of us, goofing off is, (as Martha would say), "a very good thing!"

I should go to bed,

Susan Lager

Are We Having Fun Yet?

As usual in June, I've noticed more cancellations for therapy and coaching sessions lately. People are capitalizing on the random glorious weather, and understandably wanting to leave their problems behind, and have some fun! The beaches are starting to get more active, the lobster joints busier, and the garden shops are humming. I love this time of year in Maine and New Hampshire as it comes alive with tourists and locals spending time and money enjoying themselves. The therapist in me has a word of caution, however:  Remember that "fun" isn't just about where you are and what you're doing, but whom you're with, and whether the activity, timing, and unfolding of it  feels mutually desirable. Unless you love your solitude as "fun", remember that "fun" is usually about something co-created and often negotiated. It won't be fun for your partner if you jam something they feel is unsavory down their throat, like dump-picking, or long hikes in the woods in 90 degree weather.  Remember to negotiate what you both do, and how and when you do it! Then when you ask, "Are we having fun yet?", you'll probably get a resounding, "OH, YES!!"

Off to the beach,

Susan Lager

PS.  If you have kids, try to do things you enjoy also. It will be more fun for all.

Sex And Marriage - Are They Compatible Long-Term?

If you're married and have questions about sex problems with your spouse, want more sex, better sex, or none, tune in to my BlogTalk Radio show, The Couplespeak Relationship Forum, tomorrow, June 15th 9PM EST toll-free 877-497-9046, or live streaming at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager. My guest is Judith Rowan, PhD.,  a NH certified sex therapist. Ask the expert!

Goodnight,

Susan Lager

Prepare For Summer!

There's a unique New England condition I call "New England Seasonal Affective Disorder". It happens every late Spring as people begin to feel the exhilaration of the warmer weather, and the landscape coming alive again after about eight months of grey dormancy, and frigid temperatures. I routinely hear folks complaining about every weekend which isn't stellar, and ramping up with anxiety about balancing the enormous "to do" list regarding home projects, with fun activities. My brother-in-law Joe says, "Move to Florida and enjoy talking and thinking about things other than the weather! Liberate yourself!" I think, maybe he's right -- what would it be like to presume glorious days every day, and not try to pack it all into one or two a week (usually during the work week)? How would it feel to be released from all that pressure and uncertainty? Then I think, it would be nice, but how about being surrounded by all that commercialization and concrete? To have alligators in your lakes? To have lots and lots of sharks everywhere in the ocean? To have backyards the size of a postage stamp? To have cockroaches and snakes camping out in your house and garden? To have gargantuan hurricanes for six months a year?  To have to be in great bathing suit shape all year long!?

No, I think I'll stick with the bipolar New England weather, and just prepare for summer every year with angst, excitement and dread, and enjoy all the joys of living on the edge.

Gotta go have some fun before the rain arrives,

Susan Lager

PS. Tune in to my BlogTalk Radio show on Wednesday, June 15th at 9PM EST (toll-free: 877-497-9046). My guest is Judith Rowan, a well-known sex therapist who will be discussing sexual issues in marriage with me. It should be very interesting!