"Sex Therapy Online" - My Next BlogTalk Radio Episode Wed. 10/15/14 8:30 PM EST. Don't Miss This One!

I have a really exciting half hour BlogTalk Radio episode coming up this Wednesday, October 15th at 8:30 PM EST! The show title is "Sex Therapy Online - Is It For You"? My guest will be Rhiannon Beauregard, a certified sex therapist, who will be talking about online sex therapy, what it is, how it works, and when it might be the most useful form of treatment. Call in with questions or comments toll-free 877-497-9046, or if the lines are busy call 760-542-4114. Hope you can be there live! 

Tired of Waiting for Time Off? Use "Time On" Instead!

As the seasons change, many people I know are bemoaning the loss of "time off" they've had in the summer. There's an obvious feeling of ambivalence about the upcoming season of busyness and social obligations dovetailing with work and family responsibilities. People tend to dread being over scheduled and deprived of personal time to self-nurture or play. The myth we seem to have bought into in the American culture is that one needs to be on vacation to fully experience joy, spontaneity, discovery and meaningful connection.

I invite you instead, to explore the experience of what I call "time on," or living your everyday life with more wonder, appreciation and joy. Start by regularly taking a "snapshot" of the present moment - notice your breathing, the air on your skin, the color of the sky, the sound of the wind in the leaves. Notice the quality of the conversation and connection with the person facing you. Take a "snapshot" of this sharing as it is unfolding. Savor it. Drive more slowly and take in the tones of the changing season. Take a "snapshot" of that field of hay, or the person trying to get somewhere in the car next to you. Take a risk and smile at them and your common circumstance. Be more playful with yourself and those around you. Laugh at yourself more often. Be physical - dance, walk, run, move! Appreciate the daily work your body does for you, and treat it with kindness and compassion. Stop, and pet your dog or your cat if you have one. It will be good for both of you. Pick a wildflower and stick it in your hair. Write a poem, play an instrument. Turn off your automatic TV watching, and read a good book or listen to a symphony.

Just be present for your life each day, not just for one or two weeks of vacation in the summer. Use your "time on," your everyday life, to be cognizant of, and grateful for your blessings. You'll be a much happier person.......

Cheers,                                                                                                                                                
Susan                                                                                                                                                      

PS. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and eloquent writer, is a terrific resource for the issues of happiness, staying present and in the "now." You can get any of his wonderful books on these subjects at my Amazon store by going to: http://astore.amazon.com/wwwsusanlagec-20

Here Comes Winter

Here it is, October 1st, the leaves are falling, the temperature has dropped radically, and most noticeably, it's getting dark at about 5:30 PM.  No doubt about it, the summer of 2014 has come and gone. Before we know it, we'll be bundled up in winter coats, shoveling or snow-blowing our driveways, freezing our butts getting into frigid cars, looking at a grey and white landscape and hiding out indoors. I love it!

When I admit that, everyone I know, (except for one client today), looks at me like I have two heads. They freely complain about all the above developments, expecting me to commiserate, and when instead I get all warm and fuzzy about the upcoming winter, they probably begin to wonder if they're sitting with a sane person. Some never come back for another session...

I'm convinced that I have the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder - the condition in which people's brain chemistry shifts into depressive mode around the lowered level and duration of light in the colder months. For me, I get happier as the skies get grayer and the weather gets murkier. I call it "sultry" weather - nice and cloudy and real chilly. It reminds me of happy adventures in Ireland and England. It may also be some fragment of genetic memory from my slavic ancestry, harkening me back to the cold, dark weather in Russia and Poland, where my grandparents grew up. Or, maybe I really am psychotic. But whatever the origin, I'll share some reasons why you too might look forward to the six month "winter" we're famous for here in Maine, instead of getting all bummed out about it:

• If it was warm and sunny all the time you'd lose the excitement about seasonal changes
• When it's murky and cold out there's no pressure to do fabulous things outdoors
• Grey, cold days give you space to be more still and contemplative, less busy
• There's no need for air conditioners, fans, and other costly energy hogs
• You don't have to tend to your garden or your lawn when there's 2 feet of snow outside
• Without the cold winter you'd never have an excuse to wear all those fabulous boots
• Baths and hot tubs are much more delectable when you're freezing your ass
• You have much more reason to tuck in with a good movie, book or instrument
• How would you ever experience the joy of skiing or snowshoeing without the snow?
• Without winter there would be no good soups, stews or comfort food
• There's no joy like climbing under a cozy down quilt when it's frigid outside
• Monotone landscapes rest your eyes and brain from all the vibrant summer colors
• You pet your thankful dog, cat or hamster more when you're hanging out indoors
• You have more time to read deep, thought-provoking blogs like this one

What more can I say?

So, if you have S.A.D., and are starting to get depressed facing the end of summer, get one of those special lights to reset your brain chemistry, sit back and relax!

When Things Fall Apart: 9/17/14 BlogTalk Radio Show at 8:30 PM EST

Don't miss my next BlogTalk Radio episode tonight about the subject of dealing with life when things fall apart. We've all had the experience at times of dealing with crises which create a sense of chaos and uncertainty - maybe the loss of a loved one, or a debilitating health issue, or the loss of a job or business. It always feels horrible and destabilizing, and often creates a story of victimhood or bitterness for us. But the fact is that misery is just another part of life - it inevitably comes with the joy, relief, and triumph that are also part of our experience.

Tune into this half hour episode tonight and join the discussion or just listen in, and hear about some attitudes and behavioral tools which may help you to accept some of these hardships as part of being human, and move through these experiences with more wisdom and perspective. Call toll-free 877-497-9046, or if the lines are busy call 760-542-4114. I hope you can join me! If you can't make the live show, listen to it online at your convenience by going to www.BlogTalkRadio/SusanLager.com

Automate To De-Stress

My husband Thom has a weird evening ritual. Before going to bed he puts a clean pan and spatula on the stove, puts two plates next to it on the cutting board, silverware on top, and places napkins to the side. It's obvious that he's setting up breakfast prep for the next morning, but when I asked him why he wouldn't just do such a simple thing in the morning, he's told me that it's one less thing for him to think about when he has to get out the door early. This is a simple form of automation which obviously reduces his stress level the next day. It would take about thirty seconds to do it then, but the automated preparation takes it out of his head and allows him thirty more seconds of relaxation so he can ease into the day more comfortably.

Think about what effect it would have if you automated more "work" functions in this way:

• laying out your clothes the night before going to work
• removing wet towels and washcloths after a shower
• checking emails at a regular time each day
• doing a workout without thinking about your motivation
• putting dirty dishes directly into the dishwasher, not the sink
• applying sunscreen routinely during your morning toilette

Etc.......

Stress management specialists say that the more things you take out of your head to remember or track or do, especially under time constraints, the less stressed you will be. So, think about what you might automate the way Thom does for his morning routine, and see what happens!

Being Nice To Your Body

As you may be aware from my last post, "Zippy Goes Down," I had an accident several weeks ago, resulting in a broken ankle. It's required me to be hobbling around on an aircast when I have to move about, and to be mindful of each step, mindful of how much I rest, and to pay attention to the effects of all of this on, not only my foot, but my whole body. Aside from the lessons I've been learning about letting go, relaxing, and resilience, the experience has been teaching me something unexpected - to be more compassionate toward my body as it heals. This is something almost foreign for many women in America, who chronically complain about the size of their thighs, breasts, hips, etc., and compulsively beat their bodies into submission through crazy diets and brutal exercise regimens.

As I've watched my ankle grow stronger and seen the x-rays showing the healing bone, I've been amazed at the capacity of the human body, my body to bounce back with some TLC. It's made me think back to the amazement and respect I felt for my body after giving birth to our son without incident. (I did that?!) It's also made me much more appreciative of all the other things my loyal body does for me, usually without complaint every single day. So, I've made it my mission to befriend my body, as I think we all should, by being mindful of treating it with respect every day, appreciating it the way I would a trusted friend, and listening to it and the messages it gives me daily.

For a terrific little exercise about how to do this well, get Rick Hanson's book "Just One Thing" for all the details. You can find it through the "Store" page of my website, then go to "My Amazon Store" and click on the link to Amazon. You don't have to wait to break an ankle or an arm to do it. Cultivate compassion for your body (and yourself!) and your body will thank you back for a lifetime.

Zippy Goes Down

I am fondly referred to in my family as "Zippy" because I do everything really FAST. They call me the "Nazi Walker" because nobody can keep up with me. I've been known as the "speed gardener," famous for a few inadvertant self stabs in the eye with thorns when rushing through hedge trimming. (See blogpost "Speed Gardening and the Revenge of the Sandcherry"). I talk fast, I eat fast, I write fast, I even do Yoga fast. I can't help it - I'm from New York, and many people there are the same way. But today, Zippy went down, trying out a new pair of running shoes in the house at full speed going around corners.

You might ask: "Are you an idiot? What's the rush?" But it's the way I'm wired, and I figure I save loads of time zipping through laundry, dishes, bills, workouts, etc. I'm entering my "last chapter" of life, so there's no time to waste - I have too much to do!

The side benefit of this injury today, (I probably fractured my ankle), was that I had to STOP everything, laze around, resting, icing, compressing and elevating my foot. No spotting my husband who would be chopping down mammoth trees, uprooting unsightly bushes, killing Japanese beetles, cooking for the next few days, folding laundry, buying another router from Best Buy, running in my new sneakers, nada. Just vegging out, nursing my injury and spending nine hours (!) online setting up my new Amazon Store. So you, lucky reader, now have the benefit of shopping from your couch on my Amazon Store page at http://wp.me/P1ayQF-Vc  (I've been wanting to set it up for months, but I'm usually zipping around doing everything else). Sometimes sitting still has it's benefits :-)