"Low Sex Drive in Women - What You Need to Know if You're Over 40": Next BlogTalk Radio episode 4/22/15 8:30 PM EDT

Are you a woman over forty with a few noisy kids, a demanding job, a messy house, and an even more sexually demanding husband? Is sex the last thing you're interested in at the end of another commotion-filled day? Is your husband wondering why you no longer find him irresistible - or thinking maybe you have a lover? Is he cranky, frustrated and feeling rejected? Do you feel more dread and pressure at "bedtime"?

If any of this sounds familiar, realize you're not alone, and don't miss my next 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode about this very common problem! I'll be co-hosting with Dr. Terri Vanderlinde, a board certified OB-GYN in private practice in Dover, NH.  She deals with this issue often in her work with women and their partners, so she's a wealth of information about "low libido" in midlife, what it is and isn't, and what can be done to deal with it.

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join us live on the air with questions or comments. If you can't make the live show, catch the recording at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager anytime at your convenience. You (and your husband or partner) will be very glad you did!

Cheers,
Susan
PS. If you and a spouse or partner are wrestling with this issue and want some professional help, feel free to call me for an appointment at 603-431-7131

Retail Meditation

I've often teased my husband about how he goes into his "happy place" when he's fishing, especially from his kayak. He slips into a total trance, paddling softly, examining the shallow water for fish and lures other people have left behind. I could be drowning in the next kayak, or there could be a nuclear holocaust and he'd be completely immersed in a Zen meditative state. (I think he's in good company with half the planet in this way.)

Well, I've noticed something similar about myself and what I think may be true for millions of women: when I'm on a shopping mission searching for a specific item, I'm either in a store or online, totally immersed in the experience, focused and calm, in much the same way as when I play my guitar, maneuver my kayak, ski or garden. I used to think of the shopping as being too material, but I now realize that it's a form of meditation - retail meditation! Whenever I'm in a store I observe something similar seeming to happen for mostly other women - they sail around with their carts, looking for this or that, with contented smiles on their faces, calm and centered, in what looks like a perfect state of "flow." I don't know if they're on drugs or engaged in compulsive shopping, but they sure seem to be present in the moment!

So, if you engage in the same behavior, and you're not overspending or avoiding some other responsibility, try not to let your inner critic define the experience as shallow. You may instead be honoring a biologically wired "gathering" instinct and doing a moving meditation. If it centers and calms you, it may be just what you need at that time!

Susan Lager                                                                                                                                          

PS. If you need more help with silencing your judgmental inner critic, feel free to call me for an appointment: 603-431-7131

Silence Your Inner Critic with the Ultimate Nuclear Weapon

Many of us become our own worst enemies by putting ourselves down and focusing on our weaknesses or negative qualities. If you are prone to this, it's important to know that a bit of self critical thinking can become motivation for positive change and growth, but when you go overboard with it, feeling worthless, incapable of effective action, etc., it prevents you from taking healthy risks because it robs you of confidence in your own capabilities. It raises anxiety and stress, and can lead to depression.

Most of us already know about the importance of learning to accept our mistakes as part of learning, and being kinder and softer to ourselves in general. We've also heard a lot about looking for solutions to problems instead of berating ourselves about them. But here is the ultimate nuclear weapon to blast away self criticism: The Howitzer Mantras.

Because self critical talking and behavior is driven by habit and reflex, its important to find words or phrases that are designed to hit the critic like a cannon blast. When you hear your internal critic saying nasty, derogatory things about yourself use a mantra that helps you feel angry and outraged, like "Screw you!," "Stop this crap!" "Shut up!" "Get off my back!" Use the anger and indignation as a productive way to drown out the critic. Yell out loud if you can, but most importantly, mentally shout the mantras at the critic.

If using the mantras alone is insufficient, take a stronger measure by putting a rubber band around your wrist and snap it while subvocalizing your mantra. By doing this you're emphasizing your stop commands and making thought interruption more likely. The sharp, stinging sensation breaks the chain of negative thoughts and acts as a punisher so that the critic is less likely to attack in the near future.

Try this method as a routine way to silence your damning critic and you'll be amazed at the results!

"The Art of a Good Apology" BlogTalk Radio episode Wed., 3/25/15 8:30 EDT

Do you say you're sorry when you've behaved badly? If you do, do you apologize well?  If you're not sure and you'd like to learn something about how to apologize in a heartfelt way which has a healing effect on the other person, then you won't want to miss my next half hour BlogTalk Radio episode tomorrow night!

We all do or say things at times which call for an apology when we feel we've hurt someone. Knowing how to apologize in a way which creates healing and meaningful repair requires an understanding of the importance of timing, as well as the key elements of an effective apology. This is what you'll learn by tuning into this episode. 

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join me live on the air with questions or comments. If you prefer, you can catch the episode live streaming, or you can listen to the recording afterward by going to: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

I hope you can join me!

Come to the Northeast where we're all going crazy! Join the party!

Here in southern Maine we just got hit with another four inches of snow, with possibly another nine more by tomorrow. Not to mention the next massive snow and ice storm coming this weekend, so total accumulations are approaching a cozy eight feet! Today was a balmy 25 degrees after daily averages well below zero. The new fun pastimes up here are shoveling, snow-blowing, roof raking, clearing our vents, blowing our noses, watching our pipes freeze, cleaning off our ice-crusted cars, fighting for parking "spaces," and watching our pets go psychotic indoors. It's a g*ddam party! Come to the Northeast, see the sights and join the fun!

"Healing Trauma Through Yoga - Hope for Survivors" : BlogTalk Radio Show 2/5/15 8:30 PM EST

I'm very excited to announce this upcoming BlogTalk Radio episode about Trauma Sensitive Yoga with Lisa Boldin, a graduate of the Kripalu School of Ayurveda, and specialist practitioner in this new form of Yoga.

In this episode we'll discuss the unique advantages of Trauma Sensitive Yoga for anyone who is struggling with anxiety, emotional stress, or trauma related to experiences such as sexual assault, military combat, or domestic violence.

Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to share comments or ask questions about this Yoga. Or, listen live streaming (or later to the recording) at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager where you will learn more about how and why this practice offers unique benefits for coping with PTSD or any of the aftereffects of a traumatic event. You won't want to miss this show!

Overthinking Things

It's been about a month since I've posted, and I'm happy to say, I'm back! With the holiday busyness, a surprising surge of clients, a nasty virus and some minor surgery, it feels like my life got hijacked.

But, there was also another culprit responsible for my absence: overthinking! I'm somewhat of a perfectionist to begin with, so my mind tends to over-review details in an effort to get things right, or just so. What prompted this post however, were two situations in particular: learning Quickbooks to enter details about my business expenses for my accountant, and a return to skiing for the first time this season.

Quickbooks is a ripe medium for overthinking: tons of little details with specific ways to enter information appropriately. I thought I'd learn to do it myself rather than spend the time and money outsourcing it to a bookkeeper. What I found is that it's an arena with loads of uncertainties if you're a beginner, especially not a financial professional. So it's been about a month of torture, with countless hours of entries, checking and rechecking, all on weekends when "normal" people are having some fun! Here's what Psychology Today says about overthinking:

"The human mind hates uncertainty. Uncertainty implies volatility, randomness, and danger. When we notice information is missing, our brain raises a metaphorical red flag and says, "Pay attention. This could be important..." When data is missing, we overestimate its value. Our mind assumes that since we are expending resources locating information, it must be useful."

(So there was me).....

Then I went skiing again for the first time this season on my new "shaped" skis, and found myself reviewing all the instructions about proper form and perfectly executed turns I'd learned from lessons in the past. It took me about five runs before it occurred to me to just have some fun and let muscle memory set in. The ensuing runs were exuberant, and nobody got killed!

So here are a few of my antidotes for overthinking things:

1. Just do it! Take action, be willing to make "mistakes," and be in the moment of the experience, so you get out of your head. If you're overthinking your motivation, then make your motivation the "caboose," not the "locomotive." You can think about your motivation on the tail end after you've taken action - i.e., as with exercise.

2. Distract an overactive mind by directing your attention elsewhere - focus on the desired end result you imagine, like with skiing, do some mental rehearsal, envisioning yourself flying down the mountain with joy, rather than obsessing on the details of each turn.

3. Practice regular meditation, daily exercise, and when all else fails, get some medication to calm down your obsessional thinking.

So, for all of us over thinkers the task is also to accept that life is filled with uncertainty, to trust that uncertainties usually won't kill us, and to relinquish our illusions of control. It's an Eastern thing....

Cheers,

Susan