Don't miss my Wednesday 2/28/18 8:30 PM EST BlogTalk Radio podcast: "Facing Divorce? How a Divorce Coach Could Make All the Difference!"

In this 45 minute podcast I'll meet with Lisa McNally, a mother of three who has 20+ years of experience working with divorcing individuals, couples and families in all aspects of family law matters including divorce, separation, child custody, co-parenting and parental rights.

Lisa is also a co-author of the Amazon best selling book Divorce: Taking the High Road: Simple Strategies for Creating a Healthy Divorce

As a Divorce Coach, Lisa supports and guides individuals experiencing divorce one-on-one, helping them navigate the often lengthy, stressful and convoluted process in a dignified way. Her clients benefit by having her by their side to help them make the best possible decisions for themselves and their children based on their unique interests, needs, concerns, and goals.

Tune into the podcast and learn:
- What Divorce Coaching is
- How it works
- The benefits to clients (support, guidance, cost savings, better outcomes, etc.)
- The benefits to attorneys
- How To Pursue it

Don't miss this vital podcast! You can call in live with questions or comments at 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST or listen to the recording at your convenience at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager
One way or another, I hope you can tune in!

Best,
Susan
PS. If you're on the fence about staying married and need help to make a confident decision about a direction for your marriage, you may be a candidate for Discernment Counseling. 
It's a form of brief treatment designed for couples on the brink. I am the only clinician in New Hampshire certified to do this delicate work, and would be glad to discuss the possibility of setting up an initial appointment with you. 

You can call my office voicemail at 603-431-7131 or email me at: couplesctr@gmail.com

 

Wanna Be a Happier Person? Get or Borrow a Dog!

Look at this face!

This is Tucker, my morning cup of joy. Every day at 9 AM he arrives at my breezeway door, sent by my next door neighbor, ball in mouth, ready for action. (Some days I wonder why I'm voluntarily getting out of a warm bed an hour early and heading into the "arctic" outdoors with this rambunctious canine)!

We traipse around our land playing Fetch or Tug of War for awhile, then we head onto the adjoining trails leading to either the bog or the nature path which goes through miles of farmland and woods. Tucker runs ahead, then waits at every turn for me to show up and cheer him on. When he's naughty he drops the ball and eats deer droppings or grabs onto giant five foot logs which he swings around, intending to haul back home. Once in awhile he obeys when I tell him to drop either the poop or the log. I'm persistent, so he's minding me more often lately. It's a work in progress...

For about four months here in Maine, any doubt I may have felt earlier in the morning about the effort to get up and out disappears completely once we're immersed in this winter wonderland. After the walk I take Tucker downstairs into my gym where he works at the peanut butter inside his Kong while I'm working out. When he's done he thanks me profusely with sloppy kisses, and I remind him how much I adore him. I then take him home next door, and return to the rest of my day feeling loved, useful, grateful, and filled with joy.

This is my happy place, communing with nature and a big, sweet, loving creature who enjoys the experience as much as I do. It's a morning ritual which sets the tone for good energy and connection with clients, family and friends. I start each day "in the moment" with intention and gratitude.

So, if you have a dog and can't roam the woods like I do in the morning, you can still make their walk a ritual of immersion in nature and love by just being present. If you don't have a dog, borrow one as I do, so you can also borrow their capacity for spontaneity and pleasure. Chances are, your friend or neighbor who loans him to you will appreciate the help, and you and the dog will benefit immensely from your special time together. Any affectionate touch will ramp up the happy bonding hormone Oxytocin in both of you. You'll begin the day with great self care and a full heart, and you'll be readier for whatever comes your way!

Cheers,
Susan                                                                                                                                                                                  
*PS. If you need help with the whole issue of self care and practices which promote positivity and joy, feel free to call me at 603-431-7131 to set up an appointment. I'd be glad to help! 

Contagion in relationships - what are you spreading or maybe catching?

I live in New England where right now in the middle of the winter of 2018 there seems to be a massive Flu epidemic. It's cited as being the worst in history, with people unwittingly passing it on to others who then do the same. It's a classic case of physiologic contagion. We're all advised about washing out hands, not sharing towels or utensils, and staying home if we have symptoms to avoid unnecessary spread of the illness which can be fatal.

But what about other forms of contagion? Who notices them and gives us tools to avoid spreading the unsavory?

Contagion in relationships is much like the Flu - if you get too close and aren't mindful, you'll catch, in this case, the emotional state of someone you may feel sympathy towards.

If your spouse is depressed and lolling around, if you aren't proactive you may end up "mirroring" them with similar body language and affect. We all seek people who will mirror us accurately as a form of bonding and connection, but when a loved one is very down or anxious, you want to be careful to not take on their attitude, but instead to feel compassion, and try to provide support. It's a fine line of difference.

If a friend is feeling hopeless about a relationship or job, you can listen and acknowledge their pain, maybe even ask if they'd like some suggestions or a reality check around their experience. But that's different from hanging around with them and getting into long, shared experiences about how partners or jobs are unreliable, and tapping into your own negative beliefs about these things. Then the feeling and attitude has been contagious. You've "caught" it.

If when you empathize with a loved one by connecting with similar experiences you'll need to also connect with any lessons you learned or things you gained from the experience, so you don't "catch" the "hopeless bug". You'll need to remind yourself of anything you may have done to get past the experience to something brighter.

It may be useful to remind your loved one of their resources and resilience they've demonstrated in the past around these kinds of issues. You can become a subtle cheerleader for their strengths, without sounding too chirpy.

It will also be helpful to limit time spent with someone in a very dark state. You cannot help them if their narrative becomes your own, so make sure you engage in activities before or afterward which remind you of good possibilities in life. You will be a sunnier presence for them as well if you practice this.

You can then make hope the contagious feeling instead!

1/17/18 8:30 PM EST BlogTalk Radio Episode: "How Good a Partner Are You? Take the Test"

In this half hour episode I explore the issues involved with being either a clueless spouse / partner, or one who has healthy, loving partnership skills. This episode taps into emotional intelligence, how highly you would rate yourself when examining your attitudes, knowledge and practices in your primary relationship, and identifying areas where you may need to improve to avoid misery, and to create more satisfaction for you and your partner / spouse. Tune in and take the 20 question test to get a better read on how the experts might score you, also to get a better sense of where you might be headed for avoidable trouble!

To join the conversation live with questions or comments call toll-free 877-497-9046.  If you can't make the live show you can hear the recording anytime afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

However you tune in, you won't want to miss this episode! You'll learn about relationship skills and practices essential to happiness and trust!

"Cheap Forgiveness" Podcast 11/8/17 8:30 PM EST

In this 15 minute BlogTalk Radio episode I'll share my insights and experiences with the issue of cheap forgiveness - what it is, and how and when it may be adaptive as the best possible "solution" to emotional injury, vs. what the costs may be to the person bestowing it and to the relationship. I'll give a mini "life lesson" on the larger issue of forgiveness and what the options may be when an offender isn't repentant or available to a process of true repair around an emotional injury.

To join the episode live call 877-497-9046 to come on the air with your questions, comments or story.  If you can't make the live podcast you can listen to the recording afterward anytime at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager  However you tune in, don't miss this important episode!

Next BlogTalk Radio episode Wed. 8/24 8:00 PM EST: "3 Key Signs of Unfairness in Relationships and How to Fix Them"

Don't miss my next BlogTalk Radio episode on Thursday, August 24th at 8:00 PM EST. It will be 20 minutes of discussion about the signs of unfairness in relationships, and how to remedy the situation.
Tune in live at 877-497-9046 to join me on the air with your questions or comments.

Don't miss this 20 minute information-packed episode, especially if you've been accused of behaving unfairly, or if you're on the receiving end of unfair treatment and don't know how to handle it.

If you can't make the live episode you can hear the recording at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

 

"BTR Podcast Wed. 7/19/17 8:30 PM EST: "5 Communication Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them"

In this 20 to 30 minute episode I'll share my experiences as a psychotherapist witnessing common communication blunders clients often make. Whether you're trying to communicate with a spouse, partner, friend or family member there are predictable and avoidable pitfalls you need to know about! You'll learn about simple techniques to avoid these communication problems, be clearer about your message, and be heard and understood in a way which greatly improves relationships. Using my popular book "I'm Talking! Are You Listening?" as a guide, I will empower listeners to communicate with almost anyone more effectively about anything.

Call 877-497-9046 to join the live conversation with questions or comments. If you can't make the live episode tune into www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager to listen to the recording anytime afterward.