Weird Days

How's this for a weird day:
I wake up to a spider lazily crawling across my hand. Go downstairs to find Mackey, my cat, has vomited into his food bowl. He's looking very bored as he sits illegally atop our only precious Italian leather chair.
I go onto my computer to check my email, only to find that all the information in the footer area of my website has mysteriously disappeared. My webmaster has also mysteriously disappeared, and no longer works for the hosting company.The weird day is now into full swing.....
I'm enroute to an orthopedic appointment when a Sirius XM radio show about affairs comes on, and before I know it, I'm on the air, excitedly chatting with the host, even though I'm in heavy traffic and now late for the doc. I meet with the doc who seems like he's stoned, show him the mysterious bump on my foot, and he tells me, no, contrary to public opinion, I won't need a major, bone-shaving operation, I just walk an awful lot, here's two cheap insoles, walk less. I get a parking spot directly in front of my building, so no need to walk. I see several clients, and they're all very appreciative and complimentary. I find as yet unidentified green things in my salad, but hungrily eat it anyway. I spend the next hour waiting to die. Nothing remarkable happens, except my fax machine won't work. I go to my mailbox, and there's nothing there, not even a coupon. I see some big strange thing swimming in the pond outside my window. Thom and I watch the early primary results, and Rick Santorum is neck and neck with Romney - in Michigan. I'm in bed, writing this at 10:30!
Some days are just weird.

I'm outta here,
Susan Lager
PS.  For more precious insights, go to my website, www.SusanLager.com
PSS.  You can now buy articles about all kinds of relationship dilemmas,
          each with helpful tools, through the "Products" page of the site!

Growing Through Grief Blogtalk Radio Show

For anyone who missed my 2/22/12  BlogTalk Radio show, "Growing Through Grief" with Ashley Davis Bush, psychotherapist, grief expert, and author of "Transcending Loss" and "Shortcuts to Inner Peace,"I would STRONGLY recommend that you tune into the recorded show by going to the site:
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager. We had a record number of live listeners and callers because the subject was so compelling! We talked about how grievers can transcend loss, what the challenges are, and journey generally looks like. Callers shared their stories of loss and struggle, and Ashley helped them look at realistic expectations for the process, as well as some tools for dealing with significant losses, and getting to some meaning-making through it.
There are times when I wonder why I go to the trouble of dealing with such a time-consuming, challenging endeavor outside my day job, but not this time. I think anyone who has wrestled with grief and loss, (even if it's been about a deceased pet), will benefit from this episode. Trust me on this one.

Cheers,
Susan Lager
PS.  EXCITING NEWS! You can finally purchase original articles about various relationship issues on my  website! The store is open for business at long last! Go to: www.SusanLager.com and click on the
"Products" page. You'll find useful tools for all kinds of relationship situations and dilemmas.

Managing Loss

Here's some exciting news!

On Wednesday, February 22nd at 8:30 PM EST, my next BlogTalk Radio show will feature Ashley Davis Bush LCSW, psychotherapist and author of the best-selling books, "Transcending Loss", and "Shortcuts To Inner Peace."
We'll be dealing with the issue of grief, and how it can be a springboard for healthy growth. This show is a must for anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one, even the loss of a beloved pet. Bush, an expert in this arena, will shed light on the issue of healthy vs. unhealthy grieving, tools for meaning-making, and the appropriate role for partners around the loss.
Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to listen in, or to join us live on the air with questions or comments.
If you can't make it then, listen to the recorded show at your convenience by going to:
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager
I'm sure it will be an enlightening episode.

Cheers,
Susan Lager

Guilty Pleasure

I have a confession to make. I've just finished the final episode of season four of "Breaking Bad,"and I'm beside myself. What will evenings be like without the punctuation of bloody drug cartel wars, Walter's chronic, obsessive lies covering all his destructive choices, Jesse's hopeless incompetence, Skyler's opportunistic manipulations, Hank's shrewd determination, and oh, most of all, the murderous kingpin Gus, we all hate to love? The sheer thrill of watching these characters play out their bizarre agendas has been akin to the fascination of witnessing a train wreck in slow motion, or stopping to steal a peek at the blood in a gory highway accident. Horrible things happening to other people. Revenge brutally extracted by other people. But the very worst consequences miraculously avoided, time and again. Ah, TV......
By day, my therapist world is governed by the ethics of sound judgement, compassion, mindfulness,
delayed gratification, consequences for all actions, law abiding work, cooperation, mutual benefit.
No place for this dog eat dog, kill or be killed, survival of the fittest stuff.
What a guilty pleasure, however,  to spend 48 minutes several times a week dancing with total destruction! (I'm sure they'll find some link to lowered cortisol levels resulting in a healthier, longer life, don't you think?)
I better find another "train wreck" show, got any suggestions?

Cheers,
Susan Lager
PS.  When you're up for something productive, (outside your own guilty pleasure), tune in to my next BlogTalk Radio episode, "Effective Trauma Treatment and its Impact on Relationships", featuring Phil Harford, an expert in this field. It's on Wednesday, Feb. 8th at 8:30 PM. Call in toll-free at:
877-497-9046 to listen, and if you want, to join us live on the air. It should be a very interesting and informative show! (Walter, Jesse, and Gus sure could have used the knowledge).

Depressing Sundays

I love my work as a psychotherapist, coach, and writer. I get so caught up in it that the the weeks fly by.
It's Monday morning, then before I know it, it's Friday night! Yet even so, I find Sunday nights a big, depressing drag. People write about how it relates to anxiety and dread about the return to the work week, often at jobs that are loathed. In my case, however, I think it'a about letting go of the looseness of the unstructured weekend, eating and drinking a bit more freely, waking up late, and spending languorous time with the people I love. I think it's about making the transition to a different way of functioning, using different parts of one's brain, and being more accountable, having to be on time and lucid.

My antidote is to pull myself back into the moment of whatever is happening on Sunday night, and stop anticipating the transition. I focus on doing things on Sunday night which are compelling, like watching a good movie, or calling up friends and relatives. I use thought-stopping techniques to stop thinking about the challenges of Monday, and remind myself that I'm always "there" when I get there. I also think it's helpful to do some Monday morning tasks before Sunday night hits. I balance my checkbook, check voicemail and return some calls, get the garbage ready for pickup, do my nails if they look raggedy.
It takes some of the punch out of the transition on Monday morning.

If you get Sunday night blues, take comfort in knowing you don't have to quit your job, and you're in good company with half the planet. Before you know it, you'll be wondering what you're going to do to have a glorious weekend.

Cheers,
Susan Lager
PS. By the end of this week my "Products" page should be up and running and open for business on my website, SusanLager.com. You'll find several articles about compelling topics there!

Bipartisan Solutions (In Relationships)

If you're at all like me you probably have a TV, and are subjected daily to news about all the rancor between the Republican, and Independent candidates competing to be the nominee against Barack Obama in the next presidential race. If you're a real glutton for punishment, (like me), you probably also watch the news about all the fighting in Congress over issues about healthcare, job creation, and the national debt, etc.
We see the players hit stalemates with some frequency, polarizing about the "right" or "wrong" view of the issues, and then about "right" or "wrong" solutions to those problems. What's missing most often are bipartisan solutions which incorporate mutual concerns, and work well enough for everybody.

This is what I see happens for lots of couples. They argue about what really happened, who started the problem, and what the "right" solution would be. (Does this sound familiar?)
The issue could be as mundane as which restaurant to go to for dinner, or as weighty as how and when to discipline the children. Whatever the issue, it's a battle for who will get their way, and who will be acknowledged as "right". But if one partner is "right", then that makes the other one "wrong". If one "wins," the other loses.

If you're guilty of this polarizing stance, as most of us are at times, just look at the political scene to get an accurate picture of the likely outcome. It doesn't bode well for any relationships, whether you're a member of congress facing legislation with your peers, or whether you're in a couple dealing with disciplining the kids. If you want happier relationships with everyone, then you must "reach across the aisle" and seek "bipartisan solutions"!

Cheers,
Susan Lager
PS.  If you're interested in seeing my initial selection of articles which will give you tools and insights about how to have happier, closer relationships with everybody, go to the "Products" page of my website www.SusanLager.com.  The page will be open for purchases any day now! (I promise).

PSS. (The holdup isn't because I'm sitting around yelling at the TV 24/7.  It's because I've been in the process of publishing my first book, "I'm Talking! Are You Listening? Fix Communication Problems With Your Partner In No Time Flat!")  Look for it soon on Amazon.com in paperback, then soon afterward as an ebook available for Kindle. 

Sisters: The Good, The Bad, and The In-Between, One Year Later

Hard to believe it, but it's been a year since my wildly popular BlogTalk Radio show with my two
outspoken, "different as night and day" sisters! There were so many listeners, and such great feedback,
that we decided to do an encore broadcast. This time we'll be reflecting back on the changes we each went through in 2011, and the changes we may have noticed in our relationship with each other. We'll also talk about time passing, and looming closer to old age, especially as Laura, the "baby" turns 61 on Friday the 13th. (poor Laura....)

So, tune in tomorrow night, Wednesday, January 11th at 9 PM EST. Call toll-free 877-497-9046 and join the party as a listener, or join us live on the air and pitch in your 2 cents. If you can't make the show at 9 PM, you can listen to the recording on the webplayer at my website, www.SusanLager.com
One way or another, you'll get a peek at my wild, crazy, wonderful family.

Till then,
Susan Lager