BlogTalk Radio Show "The Power of An Apology" 3/27/13 8:30 PM EST

Don't miss my  BTR show tonight about this very hot topic!


 Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to join me on the air with questions, comments or to just listen.

Conscious Relationships - How Awake Are You?

I have recently come out of my annual tax trance - the time of year when I'm so immersed in columns of figures and tabulations that a meteor could hit the house and I'd barely notice it. Luckily, my impression is that this oblivious state seems to abate in mid March when I return to my usual therapist's occupational hazard of incessantly questioning and noticing things.

I like to think that I'm generally pretty committed to a process of self-examination, particularly in my relationships. It's a daily practice, though, to do this, kind of like working out or maintaining good sleep habits. Like sobriety, it's easy to fall off the wagon and go back into a behavioral and attitudinal trance at any point, so I'll share a few of the 20 key questions I've devised that you can reflect upon in order to be more awake in your relationships:

1. What am I most insecure about?
2. What defenses do I use to protect myself emotionally?
3. How might these defenses be hurtful to others?
4. Are there other, more benign defenses I could use?
5. Do I apologize when I've been out of line? If so, how?
6. Do I self-medicate with substances? If so, how, when, and with whom?
7. What would happen if I were more open?

If you start with these questions, and are honest with yourself about what you see, I think you'll open up a process of taking more responsibility for yourself, and move toward being more awake in your relationships. For more details about the other 13 key "consciousness questions," as well as a wealth of information about how to thrive in all your partnerships, grab a copy of my new workbook, "Become Relationship Smart Without A Lifetime Of Therapy" available in paperback, and now also as an eBook on Amazon at:

http://amzn.to/12ALenB 

I know you'll enjoy it!

Susan Lager

Tax Time Crazies - Same Insanity, New Year....

(It's been almost a year since I entered this post, but I'm submitting it AGAIN to make a painful point: This part of our lives seems to never change! The only major difference I've noted in this department was the year I hired a new accountant, one with a great sense of humor who helps me laugh at all this, just a bit. I refer to hiring Gene as a huge "emotionally corrective experience." But as for the rest of it, I'd rather eat glass). Read on and see why.....

Every year starting in March, and going through April 15th, most everyone I know, myself included, gets weirded out about taxes. Preparing them for the accountant, realizing all the money spent on ridiculous things, waiting to find out the verdict about what's owed or what, if anything will be refunded, then PAYING FOR IT! Most dining room tables have long been lost to piles of papers, documenting finances for the past year. Some tables, I hear, have remained in "tax mode" for years!

It's a little bit like pregnancy and childbirth. The buildup is literally and figuratively huge, the event is unnerving, but then, thankfully it's over and forgotten - until the next time around.

The one consolation is that you are not alone. Thousands and thousands of people procrastinate to the very end when dealing with taxes. (I have clients who were just beginning the whole process this week!) Thousands more are checking their mailboxes daily to get the package back from the accountant telling them if they're screwed or not. (I see at least one neighbor doing this each day.)

Everyone moans about it. Nobody has a viable alternative though, if you like having drivable roads, safe bridges, public schools, and such things.

My best advise? Remind yourself that:

1. This is the un-fun part of being an adult.

2. This too shall pass - at least until next year.......

Cheers,

Susan Lager

Surviving and Thriving After Trauma With a Partner's Support - BlogTalk Radio Show Tonight 2/27 8:30 PM EST

Don't miss my next BTR episode, "Surviving and Thriving After Trauma With A Partner's Support"
I'll be co-hosting with Michele Rosenthal, PTSD specialist and author of the critically acclaimed PTSD recovery book, Before The World Intruded.

We'll be discussing Michel's personal journey through trauma, and focusing on the strategies she used to help her overcome PTSD. We'll also be exploring the appropriate expectations and roles for partners in this process.

Call in toll-free 877-497-9046 at 8:30 PM EST to just listen, or to join us on the air with questions or comments.

Hope you can join us!

Tucking In

Have you ever spent a weekend in solitude, tucked in doing various kinds of self care? If not, I'd recommend that you try it sometime, especially if your daily life / work involves intense contact with lots of people, (like my work as a psychotherapist).

I seem to spend one weekend in an extroverted mode, going places and doing things which involve a lot of social contact, then the next weekend living like a hermit, attending to the long personal "to do" list. This weekend I barely went outdoors, except for a few hot tubs, and an excursion to bring out the garbage! Instead, I tucked in yesterday during the snow, reading and writing in front of a roaring fire, cooking, doing book work, having a lovely workout in my gym, and visiting briefly with family when they were here. I thought about going for a snowshoe hike, but that seemed like too much work in the wind and the cold.

Today was equally lovely - up late, a long, Pilates workout, writing letters, answering emails, doing laundry, petting the cat, and just hanging out!

If you can overcome some negative self-talk about behaving like a sloth, the whole idea of slowing down and "going internal" can be absolutely delicious. Everything in our world is geared to rushing around and packing multiple things into a "productive" day. I find it oppressive at times. I'd definitely recommend reconnecting with yourself in a quiet, caring way, with some regularity. Just remember to brush your teeth and get some exercise, and you'll be fine....... ;-)

PS.  For a fun read all about communication tools and skills, you can now buy a copy of my new workbook "Communication Problems Gone With Simple 5 Minute Fixes" available exclusively on the Store page of my website at: http://wp.me/P1ayQF-yV

Here Comes The Snow!

So far, about ten inches of fluffy white snow, lots of wind, freezing temperature, but the power is still on! Life in New England is never boring. Here we all sit, tucked in, waiting for at least another 1 1/2 feet of snow during the blizzard of 2013 as Spring is supposedly around the corner.

My brother-in-law Joe says, "Move to Florida and have other things to talk about except the unpredictable weather! Enjoy 80 degree sunshine almost every day!"
I say, "How boring! We love our tumultuous weather, and our ritual hand-wringing about shoveling, freezing our butts, losing our power, and cherishing our generators! Besides, if I moved to Florida, I'd be surrounded by traffic, people and buildings everywhere! We're New Englanders! We love our mountains, our forests, our ocean, our countryside, our changing seasons, our history, our lobster, our accents, our fireplaces, our N'oreasters, and even our "almost Spring blizzards"!

(Now, this weekend as my family heads up to Sunday River to tackle the slopes covered with a fresh two feet of snow, hopefully my adventurous spirit will prevail, I won't have heart failure being back on skis for the first time in ten years since my knee gave out, and I'll remember my own speech about how lovely it is to be wild in New England)......

Here's to the white stuff,
Susan Lager
PS.  Don't forget to get an early copy of my new book, "Become Relationship Smart Without A Lifetime of Therapy." I think you'll really like it! It's available on Amazon at: http://amzn.to/WBK83q

My new book is out! "Become Relationship Smart Without A Lifetime Of Therapy"

I am delighted to announce that FINALLY my new workbook, "Become Relationship Smart Without A Lifetime of Therapy" has been published and is available as a paperback on Amazon! It's a goldmine of tools and skills necessary for you to do better in any relationship. If I do say so myself, I think you'll LOVE it! (I do). Enjoy!

You can purchase it now on my CreateSpace eStore at: https://www.createspace.com/4077013

Or, you can get it on Amazon at: http://amzn.to/WBK83q