Dreading Another Birthday? Here's An Antidote....

I recently turned a big number. WAY too big for comfort. I had been feeling a bit blue about my upcoming birthday, thinking about how lousy aging can be - worsening vision, hanging flesh, age spots, the need for Shingles shots, people you know dying, more aches and pains, and worst of all, time running out!

Even so, I greatly enjoyed our family's four day celebration marking the event in Philly. After the weekend, I spent the actual day of my birthday off from work with the plan of doing intense "self nurture," something I'm always yapping to my clients about needing to do for themselves. I felt a bit blue, however,  thinking about how fast life had gone by, so I went for a speed walk by the river nearby, feeling a bit lighter immediately. I immersed myself in gardening, cleaning out the beds and planting beautiful new perennials. Felt even better at that point. But the thing that really changed the day into something lovely was a simple thought. As a Baby Boomer, I realized what an amazing group of fearless, feisty, groundbreakers my generation was. We were the ones who initiated the women's movement, reinvented music, fought for racial equality and sexual freedom, peace, love, and FUN, FUN, FUN!
I was a member of the club that transformed the world, and was now entering their last chapter of life. To celebrate, I brought out my stack of 60's Rock CD's, pumped up the volume (poor Dave next door!), and danced for hours, joyous to be at this place in my life, forever young.

So, if you're dreading another birthday yourself, connect with all the amazing people in your own generation, celebrate your contributions, and enjoy the rest of the ride!

Cheers,
Susan Lager

BlogTalk Radio Show Tonight 9 PM EST: The Marriage Fitness Test. Don't Miss It!

Tonight I'll be discussing a brief test you and your spouse can take to determine how stressed or strong your marriage is. You then can hone in on the areas needing work in a targeted way.

Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 at 9 PM EST for this fact-filled half hour show. You can just listen in or call in with questions or comments.

Hope you can join me! Your marriage will love it!

Susan Lager

Sisterly Love

I'm just returning from a whirlwind weekend in NYC with my little sister, Laura. We went to galleries, an amazing museum, tooled all around the city window shopping, people watching, eating ethnic food, and yakked till 5 AM each night the way only sisters who love each other can. Of course, I couldn't resist the urge to coach her on ways to improve her life, and her relationship with herself. She in return nurtured me with 5 star hotel type service and thoughtfulness. What a joy it is for me to have sisters (I have two) whom I love and enjoy!
If you're lucky enough to have a sister or two of your own, remember they'll always be there with and for you, if you allow them to, so count your blessings and treasure them!

Getaways And Your Sanity

At this writing, I'm on a C & J express bus to my old stomping ground, New York City, for a weekend with my little sister. I'm a strong believer in short getaways as a way of refueling, particularly if the getaway gets you away from your spouse for awhile. That may sound cold, but sometimes a little space has a big positive impact on a marriage. How, you ask?

1. You reconnect with separate friends and relatives on your own without worrying about the mix with a spouse who may not share your enthusiasm for jewelry shopping, lattes, and schmoozing.

2. You re-experience your individual selves which brought you two together. My husband will probably be doing yard work till midnight, watching the news for hours each morning, eating no vegetables except for vodka (made from potatoes), puttering around his workshop, answering no calls, and fondling his new camera he's afraid of using. He'll be in Introvert Heaven. I'll be tooling around the city with my baby sister, bossing her around, buying makeup and doodads, going to museums if it rains, people watching, yakking with strangers, and eating every ethnic thing in sight. I'll be in Extrovert Heaven.

3. You break up the sometimes oppressive routine of your life with more consciousness. In my case, I was amazed to see how many vitamins and creams and solutions and meds I take on any given day just to go on living! I could barely fit it all in my suitcase! I like to think of myself as robust and traveling lightly on this Earth. Apparently, not so....

4. You appreciate all the comforts of home in a renewed way. I don't usually get excited about having a level, stable surface to type on, but today, with the bus jiggling and swaying, I'm realizing how special it is to have tables and desks to put my laptop on, and not worry it will go flying off into the yonder. Small things.....

5. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because I'm a bit morbid and fatalistic, I don't presume I'll make a safe return from ANYWHERE, so I kissed my husband goodbye four times, and hugged him as though I was leaving for a tour of duty in Afghanistan. And now that the bus is approaching the slums of the city limits, I miss him already..... :-|

Happy weekend!

Susan Lager

PS. Get a still early copy of my new book, now newly anointed with the Couplespeak™ trademark! If you live long enough, it may be considered an important 21st century artifact! On Amazon:

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"Become Relationship Smart Without A Lifetime Of Therapy"

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Right about now, every year I think I should probably pack up my pajamas, grab a cot and move into Home Depot. Come Spring, every free minute gets chewed up by trips to H.D. to get countless bags of mulch, new rakes, river stones, grass seed, bug spray, weedkiller, pavers, sand, annuals, fertilizer, loam, paint and various kinds of rented equipment like powerwashers, sodcutters and the like. And that's just for the outside of the house!

It's very easy to get totally overwhelmed reflecting on the dollars spent making Home Depot richer. It's also depressing to see how each year it gets harder to recoup at night after the backbreaking home and garden toil. But as my husband and I hobble around for a garden walk afterward, scanning the fruits of our (slave) labor, we invariably "ooh" and "ah" in delight at the beautiful, orderly outcome. That's the point where I also swear I'll never do the mulching myself again, and where he takes an oath about never re-seeding the lawn himself again. We promise each other we'll keep that promise. Till next Spring......

BlogTalk Radio Show Tonight: "Open Communication" at 8:30 PM EST

Don't miss my next BTR episode, "Open Communication" tonight at 8:30 PM EST!
It's a short, half hour show all about key pointers to foster closer
conversations leading to more understanding between partners.

Open communication is partly about timing and the subject matter, but
more importantly, about the use of language. Tune into this show and
learn some vital tips in this area.
Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to just listen or to join me on the air
with questions or comments. Hope you can make it!

Susan Lager

Gone Fishing (Again!)

I'm a very regimented person. I get up at the same time each day, do the morning teeth and face cleanse, make a cup of coffee, balance my accounts, pay some bills, answer my voicemail, check my email, do some dishes, dead-head the garden flowers, make my lunch, do a workout, watch the news, eat the same breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, drive to my office, see some clients, return more voicemails, grab the same lunch, see more clients, answer more voicemails, schmooze with colleagues, drive home, make some calls, change clothes, go for a garden walk, have some dinner with my husband, watch more news, watch a TV episode, do some writing, do some reading, and go to bed. Then it all starts and ends the same way the next day until the weekend when it's a different, slightly more exotic routine.

I'm also very governed by "shoulds" like, "I should keep appointments", "I should work out six days a week", "I should be more patient", "I should always be learning", "I should write in my blog", "I should write another article", "I should work on my next book", "I should finish my membership site", I should prepare for my radio show", "I should get my finances ready for the accountant and Quickbooks", "I should go to more plays and concerts", "I should answer my Facebook messages", "I should volunteer", "I should go back to Italy", "I should lose twenty pounds", "I should be a better friend, sister, mother, and wife", "I should exfoliate more often", "I should talk more slowly", "I should stretch daily", "I should clean the refrigerator".  (On and on, and on, and on.....) It's a wonder I'm not depressed!

So, I've challenged all my "shoulds," and given myself a break from blogging, writing, etc. to be outside this Spring "enjoying" hauling mulch, spreading stones, raking, planting and painting. (Ain't life grand!) I've once again put up a sign saying, "Gone Fishing"!!!!!!!!

If any of this "good girl" routine sounds familiar to you, remember that sometimes, for some of us, "goofing off" and "breaking the rules" is a good thing.

I should go to bed,

Susan Lager