Connect With Your Partner

If you're like most people, you've probably spent the last few weeks running around getting and wrapping gifts, sending cards, preparing for parties, dolling up your house with holiday decorations, cooking, baking, returning "off" gifts, cleaning up the mess, etc. You've also probably been in more public, social situations than you normally are in, attending to friends and family. As a result, how much time and energy have you reserved for your partner? Any hugs? Kisses? Words of appreciation? Any special private moments? If the answer is a humble, "Not really," then here's a little exercise which costs nothing, takes no time, and can stimulate re-connection:

When you're separated from your partner in a social situation like a party or some event, make eye contact with him or her and discretely tug on your earlobe. When you're in a crowd, this little private gesture can signal to your partner that you're thinking of him/her, and love him/her. It's an intimate non-verbal communication affirming your connection with each other, especially when your relationship seems to be taking back seat to the needs of other people. Try it - you'll be amazed at the energy surge you create between you two!

If you find yourself generally wishing for better communication, deeper connection and less conflict in your relationship, and could use an intense dose of fun help with this, then join mediator and conflict coach, Meredith Richardson, and me for a weekend retreat designed to improve your communication skills, and re-connect you with each other. January 18-20, 2014 at the Inn at Bath, Bath, Maine. An intimate experience for six couples only.

*Deadline for registration is Wednesday, January 1st.

For more information or to register, CALL: 207-439-4267

EMAIL : meredithmediates@aol.com

"Hot Tips For A Cold Marriage" 12/12/13 7 PM BlogTalk Radio Show

In this one hour episode I co-host with Meredith Richardson, a highly sought New England conflict management specialist who works as a Mediator, Facilitator, Trainer, Conflict Coach, and Collaborative Lawyer in Maine and New Hampshire. 

Coming from very different fields, we will deal with the issues of connection, communication and conflict in marriage, discussing how some simple shifts in perspective and behavior can can help to change a cold, distant marriage into a much warmer, fulfilling partnership.

Don't miss this vital episode if you're currently married, divorced, or ever hope to be married again - (this time, happily). Join us live on the air with questions or comments, by calling toll-free: 877-497-9046

Better Communication, Deeper Connection and Reduced Conflict

Newsflash! I will be conducting a couples retreat with my friend and colleague, Meredith Richardson, a mediator and conflict coach on the weekend of January 18 - 20, 2014, at the Inn at Bath, Maine.

The title of this special retreat geared for six couples only is "I'm Talking! Are You Listening? A Couples Retreat For Better Communication, Deeper Connection and Reduced Conflict."
Join us for this weekend designed to improve your communication skills and reconnect you and your partner in an historic inn on the beautiful coast of Maine.

This holiday season, give your loved one the gift that keeps on giving - a weekend experience designed to help the two of you to fall in love with each other all over again.
You're worth it!

Space is limited - only six couples, so call now for more information, or to register.
CALL: 207-439-4267
EMAIL: meredithmediates@aol.com

"What To Do When You Hate Your Job - Tips For You and Your Spouse" BlogTalk Radio show 11/6/13 8:30 PM

Hate your job? Or does your spouse hate his/her job?
If so, you don't want to miss this episode featuring guest career expert Andrea St. Jean. We'll be looking at the impact of job misery on individuals and their partners, and how certain attitudes and actions can make all the difference.

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to just listen in or to join us live on the air with questions or comments.
If you can't make the live show, go to www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager to find the recording.
Hope you can join us!

Happy Halloween! Remember To Take Love Where You Find It!

                      It may be Halloween, but don't let love scare you away!

Information Overload

I spent all day today taking an online social media training. I think I learned a lot, but it's hard to say, as I'm now in "brain scramble" mode. Is it just me, or do any of you get totally overwhelmed when you learn a bunch of new, foreign things? I end up feeling excited/inadequate/determined/bewildered/curious, etc.  It's odd, because when I teach people in relationships new skills I always encourage them to not get too fancy or hard on themselves - to incorporate and practice baby steps until they get more proficient, and to congratulate themselves on little pieces of progress.

I think I'll try to take my own advice, and not stay up till the crack of dawn attempting to master the new information in one fell swoop. So, if my Instagrams appear upside down, or my Facebook posts show my own "likes," or my Tweets have five redundant hashtags, please be patient while this old dog learns some new tricks. And I'll try being patient with myself... ;-)

Fix Something By Doing Nothing

I think that procrastination and lack if action get a raw deal in our culture. In Latin countries they extol the virtue of "Mañana," the concept of getting to things tomorrow, another day. They seem to live in a more relaxed way, not as stressed with the immediacy of the "to-do" list as we are in the U.S.  So, I've developed a handy mechanism borrowed from that mindset, to solve some problems in a more carefree way. Here are some examples:

• Going through the mail: Instead of sorting through all the obvious junk mail to see where you'll get a great deal, just ignore it for a few weeks. You'll then notice that all the coupons for $1. lattes, $15. oil changes and $1. burgers have expired! Dump it all and problem solved!
• Responding to emails: Instead of scrupulously answering the hundreds or thousands of inbox communications, do nothing with the ones that aren't from loved ones or creditors. You'll be amazed at how the rest of the pile just seems to fade in importance and relevance. Again, most of the "deals" which seemed so compelling a few weeks ago, will likely have expired, and somehow you'll go on living.
• The TV remote, your answering machine, your fax and your printer going haywire: I've found that if I ignore the malfunctions for a few weeks, it not only forces me to engage less with my devices, but it also gives them time to fix themselves, which they usually do!
• Folding the laundry: Instead of stressing about the enormous pile of towels, sheets and underwear in the clean basket, simply pull out what you need each day. Before you know it, the basket will be empty and nobody (unless Martha Stewart is visiting), will know or care that you've done nothing in the folding department. If they do care, maybe you should re-think that relationship...
• Cleaning the garage: Instead of making weekly dates with yourself to thin out all the junk you've collected, do nothing and let it accumulate until there's a hurricane or snowstorm predicted. Then you'll be amazed to see how quickly and efficiently you clear out the debris in time to save your car from total destruction.

So, I say "Don't worry, be happy! Do nothing, and sometimes you'll accomplish a lot!"

Cheers,

Susan Lager

PS.  If this attitude creates a lot of guilt for you, or you suffer from perfectionism or compulsivity, feel free to contact me for some in-person or remote sessions. Call my office at 603-431-7131 for an appointment.