"The Art of a Good Apology" BlogTalk Radio episode Wed., 3/25/15 8:30 EDT

Do you say you're sorry when you've behaved badly? If you do, do you apologize well?  If you're not sure and you'd like to learn something about how to apologize in a heartfelt way which has a healing effect on the other person, then you won't want to miss my next half hour BlogTalk Radio episode tomorrow night!

We all do or say things at times which call for an apology when we feel we've hurt someone. Knowing how to apologize in a way which creates healing and meaningful repair requires an understanding of the importance of timing, as well as the key elements of an effective apology. This is what you'll learn by tuning into this episode. 

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join me live on the air with questions or comments. If you prefer, you can catch the episode live streaming, or you can listen to the recording afterward by going to: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

I hope you can join me!

Come to the Northeast where we're all going crazy! Join the party!

Here in southern Maine we just got hit with another four inches of snow, with possibly another nine more by tomorrow. Not to mention the next massive snow and ice storm coming this weekend, so total accumulations are approaching a cozy eight feet! Today was a balmy 25 degrees after daily averages well below zero. The new fun pastimes up here are shoveling, snow-blowing, roof raking, clearing our vents, blowing our noses, watching our pipes freeze, cleaning off our ice-crusted cars, fighting for parking "spaces," and watching our pets go psychotic indoors. It's a g*ddam party! Come to the Northeast, see the sights and join the fun!

"Healing Trauma Through Yoga - Hope for Survivors" : BlogTalk Radio Show 2/5/15 8:30 PM EST

I'm very excited to announce this upcoming BlogTalk Radio episode about Trauma Sensitive Yoga with Lisa Boldin, a graduate of the Kripalu School of Ayurveda, and specialist practitioner in this new form of Yoga.

In this episode we'll discuss the unique advantages of Trauma Sensitive Yoga for anyone who is struggling with anxiety, emotional stress, or trauma related to experiences such as sexual assault, military combat, or domestic violence.

Call in toll-free at 877-497-9046 to share comments or ask questions about this Yoga. Or, listen live streaming (or later to the recording) at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager where you will learn more about how and why this practice offers unique benefits for coping with PTSD or any of the aftereffects of a traumatic event. You won't want to miss this show!

Overthinking Things

It's been about a month since I've posted, and I'm happy to say, I'm back! With the holiday busyness, a surprising surge of clients, a nasty virus and some minor surgery, it feels like my life got hijacked.

But, there was also another culprit responsible for my absence: overthinking! I'm somewhat of a perfectionist to begin with, so my mind tends to over-review details in an effort to get things right, or just so. What prompted this post however, were two situations in particular: learning Quickbooks to enter details about my business expenses for my accountant, and a return to skiing for the first time this season.

Quickbooks is a ripe medium for overthinking: tons of little details with specific ways to enter information appropriately. I thought I'd learn to do it myself rather than spend the time and money outsourcing it to a bookkeeper. What I found is that it's an arena with loads of uncertainties if you're a beginner, especially not a financial professional. So it's been about a month of torture, with countless hours of entries, checking and rechecking, all on weekends when "normal" people are having some fun! Here's what Psychology Today says about overthinking:

"The human mind hates uncertainty. Uncertainty implies volatility, randomness, and danger. When we notice information is missing, our brain raises a metaphorical red flag and says, "Pay attention. This could be important..." When data is missing, we overestimate its value. Our mind assumes that since we are expending resources locating information, it must be useful."

(So there was me).....

Then I went skiing again for the first time this season on my new "shaped" skis, and found myself reviewing all the instructions about proper form and perfectly executed turns I'd learned from lessons in the past. It took me about five runs before it occurred to me to just have some fun and let muscle memory set in. The ensuing runs were exuberant, and nobody got killed!

So here are a few of my antidotes for overthinking things:

1. Just do it! Take action, be willing to make "mistakes," and be in the moment of the experience, so you get out of your head. If you're overthinking your motivation, then make your motivation the "caboose," not the "locomotive." You can think about your motivation on the tail end after you've taken action - i.e., as with exercise.

2. Distract an overactive mind by directing your attention elsewhere - focus on the desired end result you imagine, like with skiing, do some mental rehearsal, envisioning yourself flying down the mountain with joy, rather than obsessing on the details of each turn.

3. Practice regular meditation, daily exercise, and when all else fails, get some medication to calm down your obsessional thinking.

So, for all of us over thinkers the task is also to accept that life is filled with uncertainty, to trust that uncertainties usually won't kill us, and to relinquish our illusions of control. It's an Eastern thing....

Cheers,

Susan

Talk About Being Thankful!

If you live in the Northeast and your landscape looked anything like this on Thanksgiving, chances are the experience of gratitude took on a whole new meaning this year! When was the last time you felt extremely thankful for having the prerogative to wash your hands with warm running water, or to flush a toilet after doing your business? Or, have you felt thankful for the ability to roast a turkey in the oven properly and not heat up a measly chicken on the grill, after mushing through a foot of snow to get there? Do you routinely want to marry the generator repairman just because he shows up in a timely way? (This time, in the middle of Thanksgiving day!) Are you very grateful when your quirky family shows up, alive? How about feeling thankful for having lights and heat on, simultaneously? Well, I sure was this holiday!

Maybe the universe laughed at us, delivering a big message in an inconvenient but timely way, wacking us with a N'oreaster right in the middle of a holiday geared toward being more thankful. Message understood, thank you.... 

Upcoming BlogTalk Episode 11/12/14 8:30 PM EST: "Dealing with Toxic Relatives During the Holidays"

Don't miss my next half hour BlogTalk Radio episode "Dealing with Toxic Relatives During the Holidays" on Wednesday, November 12th at 8:30 PM EST. I'll be sharing some key strategies for managing the "emotional vampires" who may be sitting at the table with you,  ready to suck the life out of the party. Tune in and get some vital tools to "hold onto yourself," preserving a sense of peace and happiness during these events.

Call in toll-free 877-497-9046 to join me live on the air with questions, comments, or ideas of your own. If the lines are busy, call the regular number: 760-542-4114. I look forward to your being there!

Finally Time for Some Fun!

It's been way too long since I've checked in here with all you folks! It's been a very busy Fall with new clients signing on, several of whom have been Discernment Counseling couples. Then on weekends I've been doing the "end of corporate year" drill, preparing tax figures for my accountant - one of my most hated things to do in life. On top of that, add on changing from Summer to Fall clothes, schlepping boxes down from the attic (I live in a lovely older house with pathetic closet space). Then, mix in Fall chores, cleaning up the gardens, putting away summer fun stuff (again, up in an attic, this time the one above the garage). Into the mix add on a new workout regime designed to strengthen my healing broken ankle - no fun there, mostly a torture invention on a Bosu Ball, designed by Janet, the Nazi trainer. (Only kidding - she's a sweetie pie). Then, mix in appliance breakdowns needing repair, Fall soup cooking, and of course, the perennial website glitches, like, what ever happened to my damned footer????!!!! And, why won't TinyMCE allow me to insert images anymore? Not to mention the newest problem with links! (Don't get me going - the good, amazing news is that I got all the previous stuff done, AND figured out how to insert HTML code into my posts! Victory! Perseverance wins!

So, here I am, back again, happy to say hello, and ready for some serious FUN again. Let the games begin.....:-)

Cheers,                                                                                                                                                 Susan                                                                                                                                                       P.S.  Part of the "fun" for me will be bringing you ideas about relationship issues and scheduling my next BlogTalk Radio episode with my friend and colleague, Meredith Richardson, this coming Wednesday, November 12th. Stay tuned for the topic announcement.