Are You a Shopaholic? Take the Test Wednesday, 11/18/15 on BlogTalk Radio at 8:30 PM EST

If you've ever wondered if you have a shopping problem, or if it's just benign "retail therapy," and you're readying for the holiday spending season, then this next BlogTalk Radio episode is just for you.

Tune into my next 30 minute BlogTalk Radio episode "Are You a Shopaholic? Take the Test Before the Holidays; Get 7 Tips for Help" - Wednesday, November 18th at 8:30 PM EST. Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join me on the air with questions, comments or (horror?) stories. Learn about whether you may have Compulsive Buying Disorder, or if your 75 pairs of shoes is just an extreme love of style. 

If you can't make the live show you can listen to the recording anytime afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

 

Love is the Victor

I'm writing this in the aftermath of the most recent terrorist attack in multiple locations of Paris, apparently the 289th attack of 2015. There's no apt way to describe this scourge of hatred and violence perpetrated against innocent people all over the world. What stands out after each horrific incident however, is the heroism and altruism of first responders, and the humanity of people identifying with the experience of violation and loss. The victor is love. What survivors of these attacks recount, is how, in the midst of the violence, when they didn't think they'd survive, they focused on the enormity of love they had in their lives, thinking they were saying goodbye to all the people who were precious to them.

I think the lesson in all this mayhem needs to be love - not only for your family and friends, but for all the people who have helped you, been kind to you, given you inspiration and support, or just made you laugh. If we could all give more energy each day to feeling and showing appreciation and love to the people around us we'd not only be physically healthier, but emotionally more robust, and spiritually more at peace and in harmony with  all of life. If we didn't wait for a catastrophic moment but instead made a daily habit of focusing on this gratitude and our common humanity, we'd be happier, more connected, and more loving as a species.

BlogTalk Radio Episode Tonight: "I'm Talking! Are You Listening?" (Wed. 10/21/15) 8:30 PM EST

If you've ever felt stuck in conversations which seem to go nowhere, and feel
the need for some good skills in this area, then don't miss this episode!

In this next 30 minute BTR episode tonight, (Wednesday 10/21/15)
at 8:30 PM I will teach you a vital, secret tool for better communication,
especially when there's conflict surrounding an issue.

Call in live at toll-free 877-497-9046 to join me on the air with questions
or comments. If you can't make the live show catch the recording at:
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager anytime at your convenience.

If you or your partner tend to shut down, retreat, or yell at each other when                          you disagree, and the "conversation" goes south fast, then this show is for you.             Moving forward, you'll have the means to talk more calmly, take turns, listen                  better, lower reactivity and move toward solutions faster.

I hope you can join me!
Cheers,
Susan                                                                                                                                                                  *P.S. To get my book "I'm Talking! Are You Listening?" click on the link below                             to find it on my Amazon store. There are lots of tips and tools in there for better                       communication.

4 Tips for Pushing Yourself More Effectively

When was the last time you got out of a warm bed at the crack of dawn to sweat on a treadmill – with eagerness? Or relinquished the beach on a gloriously sunny Saturday to do tax preparation? Or gladly put your openly introverted self in front of a group of 300 peers to give a lecture? You may have done all or any of these things, but chances are that you had to push yourself out of your comfort zone to do them in the name of some kind of benefit or reward. If, on the other hand, you’ve made a habit of staying in your womb-like routine without taking any risks into the unfamiliar, then you’ve probably missed out on some novel experiences, learning, excitement and rewards.

So, if you’d like to be less risk averse and get better at pushing yourself to do new things, here are a four of my seven tips and tools I’ve developed from my years of working with individuals and couples in therapy:

1. Create a clear vision for your goal, defined specifically. (Ex: By tax time in April I will have all my financial data tabulated and formatted, ready for the accountant in Quickbooks).
2. Identify your potential saboteurs and what your options are to head them off at the pass. (Ex: Self, wanting to do more fun stuff. Fix: Reward self with the fun stuff after I’ve done the work each week).
3. Formulate a clear action plan for the “Push,” defining it specifically and behaviorally. (Ex: I will do two hours of Quickbooks entries every Saturday from 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM regardless of the weather or invitations I’ve received to do fabulous things).
4. Identify the intrinsic and concrete rewards to yourself / others in making this effort to move out of your comfort zone. (Ex: I will feel more organized, centered, and prepared for tax time. My accountant will appreciate the timely, orderly data. My friends and family will get to see a cheerier version of me more frequently on weekends).

For more free tools and tips about this and many other issues, subscribe to my list on the right. “Pushing Yourself” is the 92nd free article you will get about all kinds of issues related to the relationship with yourself and with others.

In addition, if you’d like individual help with self motivation or any other dilemma, feel free to contact me at my Portsmouth, NH office anytime for an appointment at: 603-431-7131. I’d be glad to help!

Rescheduled BlogTalk Radio Episode: "Workplace Relationships: Dealing with the Dreaded Drama of Conflict"

Due to technical issues with BlogTalk Radio, unfortunately last week's episode never aired, and has been rescheduled to Wednesday, September 23rd at 8:30 PM.  My apologies for any inconvenience.

DO tune in to the rescheduled episode if you've experienced conflict at work and have felt dread and indecision about what to do. Or, if you have a manager who doesn't handle conflict productively, you end up getting the short end of the stick, and again, dread dealing with the issue, then this show is for you!

My co-host Pattie Porter, The Texas Conflict Coach, is an expert in the field of conflict management, and will share her insights about the issues, along with some critical tools you can use to manage these situations more confidently and effectively.

Call 877-497-9046 to join us live on the air with questions or comments. If you can't make the live show you can listen to the recording afterward at your convenience at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager

Stop Avoiding Conflict at Work! Insights and Tools on BlogTalk Radio Wed. 8/26/15 8:30 PM EST

Tune into my next 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode "Conflict in the Workplace and How to Manage it" on Wednesday, August 26th at 8:30 PM EST. My guest will be Pattie Porter, The Texas Conflict Coach, internationally famous radio host, an expert in the field of conflict resolution, and highly sought trainer and coach to companies all over the U.S. 

If you're a conflict avoider this show is right up your alley! We'll talk about the "why's" and "how's" of avoidance, the costs of doing it, and ways to break the cycle. 

Call in with questions or comments at 877-497-9046, stop avoiding conflict and talk to an expert in this field!

 

 

 

Ashley Madison Hack: Divorce Is Not An Inevitable Outcome!

If you or your spouse has been exposed as using the Ashley Madison site to seek an affair, stop and take a deep breath! (Apparently thousands of people have already flocked to lawyers to pull the trigger on impulsively decided divorces).  Driven by the hurt and humiliation of public exposure and profound betrayal, as a discovering spouse you are understandably experiencing the first waves of trauma that this news usually brings. Vengeance and assuaging the broken trust through divorce may seem like the only solution to you at this point.

As the unfaithful spouse you are probably traumatized in different ways: what may have seemed like a discreet, compartmentalized adventure without victims now feels real in its damaging consequences. You are now either bathed in shame and fear, or furious that you can no longer "have your cake and eat it too." However justified you may feel for your infidelity you know that your world is about to become unravelled. You are about to take the hit for everything wrong with the marriage, and cannot imagine ever being forgiven. If you stay married you imagine a lifetime in the "doghouse."                                                                                                                      
Whichever end you're on, the impulse on both sides is often to give up and get a divorce, convinced that healing and reconciliation would be impossible.

As a couples therapist who, for many years has worked with thousands of couples reeling from infidelity, I have a few strong pieces of advice:

• Slow down!
• Take some deep breaths!
• Don't make any rash decisions now!
• Don't impulsively file for divorce!

Here are some things you may NOT be aware of:

• Many marriages can not only be saved, but strengthened after the trauma of infidelity. It requires a lot of determination, hard work, vision, and a good couples therapist the spouses both trust.
• Many couples who impulsively divorce deeply regret that decision later on.
• Children are often the biggest victims, especially in a contentious divorce.
• If you don't know what direction to take regarding your damaged marriage there is an alternative to couples therapy called Discernment Counseling. This is a brief treatment designed for couples where one spouse is leaning toward a divorce and the other wants to stay married. It is not geared toward tools and skills for repair, but instead focuses on helping partners make a decision about a direction for the marriage. Only trained Discernment Counselors can provide this service.
• There are terrific books and support groups for couples wrestling with infidelity.
• If you do decide to get a divorce you can have a healing, constructive process through Collaborative Law. Divorce doesn't have to be an impoverishing dog fight.
• There may be hope. There is help.

Anyone in the greater Boston area wanting more information, feel free to contact me at my office at The Couples Center in Portsmouth, NH: 603-431-7131.