BlogTalk Radio Episode "Why Are You So Angry?" Rescheduled to April 16th

Due to technical difficulties with the 3/26/14 BlogTalk Radio episode, "Why Are You So Angry?," I've rescheduled the show to Wednesday, April 16th at 8:30 PM.  If you tuned in and heard nothing, you're in good company - my apologies for the BTR glitch. Please join Meredith Richardson and me again on the 16th for what I expect will be a terrific show about a vital topic. 
(If you're in a rage about this anger show not being audible, you especially, may want to tune into the rescheduled show).....:)  

Healthy Anger vs. Unhealthy Anger BlogTalk Radio Show 3/26/14 8:30 PM EST

If you've been wondering if your partner or anyone significant to you has anger problems, then you'll want to tune into this 45 minute BlogTalk Radio episode: "Why Are You So Angry?" at 8:30 PM EST. I'll be co-hosting with Meredith Richardson, a collaborative lawyer and conflict coach, and together we'll be talking about the signs, origins, and motivations for healthy anger vs. unhealthy anger. We'll also share some professional tips about how to cool things down when they are getting too heated.

Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to listen to the live show, or to join us on the air with questions or comments. If you can't make the live show, catch it streaming at your convenience by going to: http://bit.ly/1l3ZL0I

Either way, hope you can join us!

Susan Lager

Tell Someone You Care

As is often the case, I got to bed late last night, all excited about some new developments in my work as a therapist and coach. Of course, I couldn't fall asleep, so as I lay awake, instead of counting sheep, I began to think about all the people I care deeply about. I pictured each of them with fondness, pulling up memories of sweet times we'd had together, reflecting upon the things about each of them that I loved.

Then a big, (not so fun) thought came to me: how often or recently had I told any of them how much I valued their presence in my life? When was the last time I'd sent them a card or given them a call "just because"? I realized that if I got hit by a truck tomorrow, many of these people wouldn't have a clue about how much I had cared for them, how deeply I had held them in my heart! (This part is not a good prescription for easy sleep - I wouldn't recommend it.) So, after a fitful night, I decided that it's probably a good idea to live one's life as though each day might truly be your last - to not just embrace that familiar idea, but really DO IT. To me, that means telling and showing the people in my life whom I care about, how I feel about them and why - making time each day, even just a few moments, to honor relationships in this way.

I invite you to think about this as well. I know I'm not alone in this challenge. I wonder how the world might be different if more of us truly honored our relationships in this way, each day taking time to tell someone that we care about them?

Now, to sleep.....

For Couples On The Brink: Discernment Counseling As A Unique Resource

In my work as a psychotherapist, I'd say that about 25% of the people who come to me are on the fence about continuing their marriages or "committed relationships." Generally, spouses have been together long enough for the rose-colored glasses to have come off, and have lost hope for a happy marriage. "Trying" seems to be inauthentic, as partners recite the long list of violations and disillusionments, and the longer list of futile attempts at repair. It's not uncommon for one or both spouses to be having, or have had an affair. It's also not uncommon for one or both partners to have consulted an attorney, readying for a split. They are "hovering by the escape hatches," yet they often describe having problems they'd somehow like to fix. The sense of anguish in the room is palpable.

As a couple therapist, I have spent most of my career fighting to save marriages, and often I'm the last one standing! As marriage counselors we've been trained to pull up the hope in the partnership, and teach people how to get along better: strategies for better boundaries, communication, managing conflict, spending quality time together, figuring out how to collaborate, etc. But sometimes one spouse wants to try, and the other doesn't, and that's when traditional methods can fail. Getting "busy" working on trying to fix a marriage on the brink can be misguided. First, couples need to have the psychological space to decide if they both want to try to reconcile. Any treatment which provides "tools" prematurely is missing the point.

Enter "Discernment Counseling," a 1 - 5 session process of exploring what would need to be different for the "leaning out" spouse to have the energy to "try," and how the "leaning in" spouse can maintain a stance which brings their best self to the process, not one which humiliates or degrades them.

I'm very excited about this work, and have been added to the National Directory of Discernment Counselors after having completed The Minnesota Couples On The Brink Project training. (As far as I know, I am now the only Discernment Counselor in New Hampshire).

I will be doing a half hour BlogTalk Radio show introducing this process on Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 8 PM EST. Call toll-free 877-497-9046 to join me live on the air with questions or comments. I'd love to make it a conversation! If you can't make the live show, you can hear the recording afterward at: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/SusanLager